Spanking and Being Spanked

Out of context, I know, but I tend to indulge my fantasies from time to time...

“I’ve been in these positions before when we were favored and the press starts getting carried away and we end up getting spanked.” - Barack Obama

Fanning myself now...

Out of curiosity, does being spanked or spanking in a sexual context or D/s context appeal to you?

Irritable Domme Warning

I've been a bit out of sorts for the last week or so, so here's my "irritable Domme warning". My responses may not be nice nor even fair. I'm trying to deal with these feelings and if you write something that hits me the wrong way, you may have to deal with it too. My friends don't have to worry about this but dick and his consorts have been given fair warning.

A couple of responses to an email I received and a question asked in the comments section:

Steve (aka "perfect slave") wrote:

"Respectfully Lady Julia the quality of your blog has rapidly gone downhill. Why are you posting all these meaningless posts with photos and one or two sentences? Don't you have anything of depth to write about anymore?"

Steve, I'll begin by stating the obvious - prefacing your remarks with the word "respectfully" doesn't mask the intent of your comment (not that I think that you intended it to.) This is MY blog. I am writing it for me and for my friends. If others find it interesting and helpful then I adore that. I've made several wonderful new friends through my blog readership and that's always great. I will, however, write whatever I feel like writing and you are free to read or not read.

I am not a Domme. I am a woman with many interests who also happens to be a Domme. Yes I enjoy writing about that aspect of my life but if I from time to time wish to write about something else then I will. Feel free to remove me from your list of daily readings if you can't deal with that.

In an email to me, Dick wrote:

"Why do you list the female submissive blogs and the obviously crazy Domme blogs on your blogroll? Why don't you list blogs by people who have real D/s relationships like Saratoga? If you read their blogs you would know more about being a real Domme."

I have list the blogs I like to read. I don't list blogs I don't like to read or don't have time to read. Pretty simple concept.

Yes, some at least one blog on my list of "blogs I read" is written by a female submissive and some are written by Dommes with styles very different than mine. Unlike some who actually openly admit they only want to read the things written by people who think just like them, I'm not afraid of reading about and thinking about the ways people very different from me experience their relationships. As above, if you don't want to read the blogs linked off mine, then don't. Now, wasn't that easy?

On to more positive things.

I've added 3-4 blogs to the "blogs I read" list so take a peek and see if you see anything new. A couple are well established and one or two are new blogs. I especially like supporting the new bloggers because it's so difficult for some to keep on writing when they think no one is reading. Maybe some of you will be extra sweet and leave an occasional comment on these new blogs to let the writer know you're out there.

Hmm... what else to tell you.... Oh yes (smiles). Last night we began talking a bit more about spanking. As I've mentioned before this was a component in my previous relationship, but it's always been something Rook was never really "into". During last night's conversation I briefly mentioned spanking him for something playfully sassy that he said and it launched another long discussion about how I saw spanking happening in our relationship, what I would use when I did it, and under what circumstances it would occur. Within just a few minutes it was obvious we were both very excited (mentally and physically ;) about the idea.

Even though I completely understand the dynamic, it always amazes me when he gets excited about something just because I am. As we were talking, I thought - stretch a bit more and see how he feels about some other things he used to admit held no interest to him. I prefaced each question with a variation of, "I've been thinking about X and it really excites me - what do you think about it?" He was always willing to do any of those things but last night he professed a desire to do them. Yum. It feels so good to see our relationship growing (not because he's becoming kinkier, rather because we are becoming so in tune with one another that he's learning to let go of some things and enjoy my control even more - all because he loves and wants to please me.) That's a very wonderful feeling.

Ok, I'm off now to respond to some of the comments left recently and then to read some in my group. Sometime in the next few days I'll tell you all about the latest "experience" for the fellas in my group.

"Pillow Talk: BDSM: a Gentle, Firm Introduction"

Through Goddess Kwan Yin's Yahoo Group, I discovered a link to an interesting article entitled "Pillow Talk: BDSM: a Gentle, Firm Introduction". It's a nice little primer that does a good job of normalizing the use of bondage and spanking in sexual play. Since spanking can offer a few hazards when using implements other than the hand, it also offers some practical safety advice.

I like seeing articles like this in "mainstream" publications. It's a nice way to offer information to those who are just beginning or are on the edge considering taking the plunge.

Softly Softly Catchee Monkey

I'm guessing you suspected I wouldn't be writing today, didn't you? I honestly thought that perhaps I might not even though I've been doing pretty well with my resolve to write every day. Bill had chemo today and as you can imagine that's a rough day for him and for me. He's been quietly resting for a couple of hours now and because of this I was able to speak with Rook for awhile and also find a moment to jot down a few thoughts here for you.

Rook's a really good man. He's not just my submissive and lover, he's my friend. He knows how difficult things have been so he's been a bit more of a rascal lately (teasing and laughing, telling me tall tales to see how gullible I really am, etc). It's just something we do to relieve some of the stress - especially when we don't have the time or energy for the more physical forms of stress relief ;) In the midst of all this teasing I laughingly informed him that he was becoming just a bit too bratty and if he wasn't careful, the next time he is with me, I will have a long list of infractions and he'll be spanked - a lick for each infraction. (The mere mention of the word "lick" took my rascal off on a tangent of just where he'd like to lick ;) After a few very warm and arousing moments I steered the conversation back to spankings. I thought it time I assess how we each felt about adding that sort of activity to our play.

I've never been a believer in spanking a submissive as a form of discipline. He's a grown man and if he's "into" spanking doing so would only reinforce negative behaviors. If he's not into it, he's a grown man and some form of verbal intervention should be most effective. Usually I just tell him when I'm upset or displeased, we talk it out, and things change. Pretty simple. (This is only my opinion and I only consider it valid for myself and my partner - no judgments are being cast on others.)

Spanking for pleasure on the other hand is something that has definitely interested me in the past, but with Rook it's never really been a part of our D/s interactions. He's always been more than willing to accept it, but he's admittedly honestly that it doesn't do a thing for him. Well.. for me, that just makes it no fun at all. Controlling his mind and his pleasure is what excites me most.

When I was teasing him earlier about accruing licks on his "reasons I'm getting spanked" list, I remarked that I thought he was deliberately trying to get "into trouble" to add to his "punishment". Something in his voice changed a bit. If I didn't know him so well, I would have missed it. To my surprise, there's a bit of an interest there in playful paddling, enough so that he was a bit excited talking about it (and he certainly wasn't the only one).

All this made me think about our relationship - where we are now compared to where we when we first came together. Things I never thought I'd like - I love. He's the same way. (I know you've heard all that before but it seemed to really strike home hard tonight.) I think that it's a good sign that we're growing together as a couple. There's probably also some wisdom in there for anyone who might be attempting to get their partner to be a bit more interested in FemDom related things. Give her time. Don't push her. If you're patient, she may evolve slowly like I did and in turn, you may as well. A "no" today may not mean "no" forever. Softly, softly catchee monkey ;)

Smiles. You'll forgive me if this is a bit rambley, won't you? I'm very tired and sleepy, but I wanted to write this down while it was on my mind.