Respect Part Deux

Recently I posted an entry about the importance of self-respect in a FemDom relationship. As I mentioned, I think it is so important to openly define limits and to speak up whenever there is an issue of a limit being pushed too far.

My wonderful friend Robert remarked:

"To approach BDSM equipped with mutual respect and a basic understanding of consensually agreed upon boundaries, seems to me to be like that stitch in time that saves nine. Open communication can allow for dynamic adjustments. If having considered these things, a submissive elects to yield everything and chooses to have no boundaries, having thoughtfully and carefully chosen to do so with fully informed consent with someone he loves and fully trusts - do You still perceive a problem?"

I think there is still room for problems simply because we're all human. We make mistakes, we settle, we change. Communication isn't always easy. In fact, I think totally open and 100 percent honest communication is rare if it exists at all. While not everyone tells untruths, most people hold back at least a little information for one reason or another.

Sometimes the excitement and pleasure found in the moment can override good judgment. I've a friend who was so into the whippings she was receiving that she didn't want to tell her Master that on the days after she was often barely able to get out of bed (she has some form of arthritis and has a lower tolerance level than other women her age). She was afraid to tell him for fear he wouldn't "use" her again and she enjoyed the rush so much that she decided not to share the entire story with him. The choice was hers, of course, but this did negatively effect her life as on a number of occasions she had to miss work because of this tradeoff.

Sometimes people accept things because of their love for their partner. Again their choice but this can cause damage in the long run. Another friend wanted so much to make his wife happy that he did not tell her that it really upset him when she decided to add a third to their relationship. He agreed at first and honestly believed he could handle it. After the third was added, he found he couldn't sleep at night and couldn't function as well at work during the day because his thoughts were constantly drifting to this new arrangement. He didn't wish to tell his wife about his problems because he knew how much she wanted this to work. Instead, he chose to silently suffer. Turns out this was an emotional limit neither was initially aware existed.

Sometimes people grow and change over time. We may agree today that I do not want Rook to serve me by staying home and being a houseboy. Five years from now that may appeal very much to me (I doubt it but who knows). If he has surrendered everything and has no boundaries, I'd be within my rights to expect my wishes to be followed. Everything would be great as long as he wanted it too.

Having limits and communicating them protects the individual's emotional and physical health. Because of this, I would be fearful of being in a relationship with someone who didn't care enough about himself or wasn't introspective enough to possess at least a few boundaries.