That's What Friends Are For

I haven't written much in a few days because .. well, I guess because my mind is cluttered with worries about things I can't change and therefore shouldn't worry about. The election, the economy, whether or not the Rays will win the World Series (ok, joking about that). A lot of things really, a few too personal to mention.

My friends have really been there for me, some without even knowing. One has hypnotized me a couple of times to help me relax. I'd forgotten how good it feels to let go of all the stress even for a little while. He's probably reading this and thinking, "so why are you still worrying?" All I can say is, "I'm a Domme - you expect me to accept all suggestions?" ;) The truth is, I don't really know why I can't let go of all the worries lately, but your suggestions have helped. I just take awhile getting there I guess.

Another is my "infectious happiness" friend. I don't think I've ever known another person quite like him as he's always cheerful and not in an annoying sort of way. He sort of oozes happiness and sometimes he splashes all over me. Today I received a text from him saying "I'm in Starbucks and across the room from me is Arnold Schwarzenegger." "Wow!" I message him back. "You should go back there often. He'll be back." I know it was corny but he laughed because that's the sort of person he is.

Then there's my "sweetest person in the world" friend who is always telling me I'm beautiful and sweet and sexy. He even sometimes asks me to sing for him (I promise you, if you'd heard me sing you'd know just how sweet and just how good of a friend he is for that!). If we're talking and I don't feel like saying anything for a little bit, he just sits and listens to me breathe.

T and G, two that I've been friends with forever, are my ESP friends.. You know those types - they know the minute I say "hello" if things aren't right and they gently probe around til I tell them what's wrong. They're the ones who listened to me cry (a lot) after I ended my relationship and after my father died. I know how uncomfortable people are with that much emotion so that, among a number of other things, makes them really special to me.

I would keep going but the fact that I *could* keep on going is enough to make me take a step back and consider how blessed I am. That's enough to cheer me up considerably :)

Well, I will mention that my friendship with David continues to grow. He now knows that I am a Domme and more or less what that means in Lady-Julia terms. We've gone out to eat a couple of times since I last wrote about him and then today he sent flowers. A "pick-me-up" bouquet - who knew there even was such a thing? I'll write more soon about all that's gone on with him, but for now, the phone is ringing.

Now why again was I upset and worried? :)

Happy Birthday RAB

Thought I'd give you a little something to think about ;)

Hope your birthday is as great as you.

Away

Our friend Graham had a death in his family so we've gone out of town with him for the funeral. I'll be away til probably Frday and although I won't have much time, I'll try to post/email as I can.

Hypnosis and the Doubter

On Saturday Bill, Graham, and I went to the Bunk guy's house to talk to he and his friends about hypnosis. Since he'd told me that he wanted me to speak to some friends who were interested in the subject, I anticipated a fairly laid back, fun visit with some casual discussion and perhaps some demonstrations. Bill and Graham have been hypnotized a number of times and both are good subjects so I thought demonstrating with them would be more effective than a technical explanation alone.

Besides Bunk guy four other people were present - two women and two men. While they had a lot of questions, all but one seemed at least open to the idea that hypnosis was "real" and that it could be used for both creative and recreational purposes. I thought I was pushing the envelope by addressing the recreational (aka erotic) uses of hypnosis but they seemed fairly laid back. They weren't, however, laid back enough for me to bring up the D/s uses ;)

One guy (I'll call him Thomas) was a true skeptic, doubting there were any uses for hypnosis or even that people were genuinely hypnotized. I assured him that I understood his doubts and had spoken with many people over the years who felt the same way. I finally coaxed a reluctant reassurance that he would at least try to keep an open mind.

We talked briefly about how hypnosis worked, what it was, and what it wasn't. When I finally offered a demonstration, all but Thomas seemed eager to watch.

Bill has been hypnotized so many times over the past few years that he is quite easy to hypnotize. He has verbal and physical triggers that help him relax and also those that take him completely under. I thought that would probably be the easiest place to start, so I reached over and ran my fingertip in a slow circle on the back of his hand. Immediately his eyes closed and his breathing began to slow. I uttered his trance trigger and he went deeper - his head dropped forward and his shoulders slumped. Of course I'm aware that a rapid response like this can be perceived as faking, but from their body language and facial expressions during our discussion I was fairly certain that everyone except Thomas was quite positive about what they had heard and would recognize Bill's sincerity.

I reminded Bill how easy it was to accept suggestions when he was under, how eager in fact that he was to do just that, and suggested that he would forget all about the existence of the number 6. After suggesting he would only begin to remember the existence of the number six again when I said it, I brought him up telling him he would feel relaxed and very happy that he was visiting with his new friend Bunk Guy.

He opened his eyes and began smiling. Now Bill smiles and laughs as much as everyone, but he's not the sort to sit around doing the Chesire thing for no reason. I asked him how he felt and his smile grew as he replied, "Great! I'm really enjoying being here." With that reply he elicited smiles from all but Thomas.

I asked Bill if he remembered that he'd been hypnotized and he responded that he did. He admitted, however, that he didn't really remember the suggestions he'd been given. "You didn't tell me to do something totally embarrassing, did you?" he grinned. Lately I've been teasing him that I'm going to hypnotize him and make him do embarrassing things like walk around saying "AFLAC" like the AFLAC duck and quacking. I assured him I had behaved myself fairly well and then asked him if he'd help me. He agreed.

"Can you tell Bunk Guy your phone number?"

"XXX-XX...", he began. Puzzled, he began again. "XXX-XX..."

"6.." I suggested.

"Oh yeah, duh. XXX-XXXX". Everyone except Thomas laughed while Bill continued to look confused. After a moment he laughed as realization struck. "Not bad," he said, laughing a little at himself.

I could see that Thomas was absolutely unimpressed. To say that he had a skeptical look on his face would have been an understatement.

"You seem a bit dubious about all this, Thomas."

"Well you have to admit that's a little hard to believe especially for a really smart guy like me."

I acknowledged that I could see why he felt that way and asked the others what they thought. All four expressed fairly positive remarks, although it was clear they were not wholly convinced. I could understand that and wasn't offended at all. When they asked if I could "do some more", I did an actual induction with Graham. I watched their faces as I did, and again, all but Thomas were intrigued. As the induction continued I could see the non-skeptics relaxing a little. Bunk Guy appeared to be going under a little. Because I wasn't sure if any of them were reaching a place where they were suggestible, when Graham nodded that was completely under I gave him a couple of very benign suggestions and brought him up.

Again all but Thomas were positive. They asked if I could "do" them too so I did a group relaxation induction leaving them with an invisible "tattoo" on the backs of their hands that would immediately take them back to the relaxing place they visited when they were under. Afterward I was really pleased as the overall impression seemed positive indeed.

Well (surprise) - except for Thomas. Finally he seemed unable to contain it any longer. He looked around the room and remarked that he thought hypnosis was nothing more than the behavior of people who were embarrassed either for the hypnotist or themselves if they didn't "play along". He mentioned again how someone as intelligent as him just didn't fall for things like that. In fact, he mentioned how highly cognitive he was at least three times during the afternoon. Poor dear. I was sort of glad he couldn't see the eye-rolls of the others in the room. I felt sorry for him because no one is impressed with someone who feels they have to tell everyone how smart they are.

While his comments about "playing along" didn't bother me - I'm used to hearing the comments some narrow-minded, ill-informed people online have made about hypnosis and hypnodomination - it *really* bothered Bill. He began to tell Thomas about his illness and his experiences with chemo and how he felt hypnosis had essentially kept him alive. Until he began hypnosis sessions, he suffered from anticipatory nausea and vomiting, (he'd get sick a couple of days before he even had his chemo), anxiety-related nausea and vomiting, insomnia, and a high level of anxiety. Hypnosis didn't eliminate his nausea and vomiting - after all, poisons were being pumped into his body - but it did eliminate the avoidable aspects. It also massively reduced his stress level, allowing him to sleep through the night and keeping his body from who knows how much additional damage from the stress.

Thomas remained unimpressed - and that's ok.

Overall, what I had anticipated being a really fun time was an ok time that seemed a bit too much like work. I was disappointed a little, but overall I felt good about Bunk Guy's reaction and that was my reason for going in the first place. He called me on Monday and told me that his "tattoo" had helped him relax quite a bit in a *very* tense situation, allowing him to be calm enough to do what he needed to do. He was very happy with that and so was I.

Five Seconds

Recently, I've been getting questions about how I'm doing with the loss of my father and the end of my relationship, if I'm ready to find someone to date, if I'm looking for submissives (and yes, they do mean plural), and all sorts of other questions. Admittedly some people are being nosy, pure and simple, some are feeling me out to see if I'm interested in them personally, but I think most are sincere and concerned. Because I think many are sincere and concerned, I'm going to respond.

To be honest, things are still really difficult. I'm sad. I miss my father and Rook so much that sometimes my heart almost physically aches. I'm aware that's not what people want to read but some of you asked and it's the truth. That said, I know I can't survive emotionally if I can't move past that grief. I realize it looks as if I'm all sorts of happy, out doing things, meeting new people, flirting with friends, etc. All but the happy part is true. As for that part, I've decided to fake it til I make it (thus all those things I'm doing lately).

Not too long after all this happened, I remembered something that I'd heard "Jack" on Lost say (yes, I know - how sad that I garnered part of my life philosophy from a TV program, but hey - if it works, why knock it?)

"Fear's sort of an odd thing. When I was in residency my first solo procedure was a spinal surgery on a sixteen-year-old kid. A girl. And at the end after thirteen hours I was closing her up and I..I accidentally ripped her dural sac . Shredded the base of the spine where all her nerves come together. Membrane as thin as tissue. So it ripped open. Nerves just spilled out of her like angel hair pasta, spinal fluid flowing out of her and I...the terror was just so crazy. So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice. I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing. But only for five seconds. That's all I was gonna give it. So I started to count. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. And it was gone. I went back to work, sewed her up, and she was fine."

I'm surviving by following that philosophy. When I feel sad, I only allow myself to feel those emotions for a minute or so and then I make myself go on to something else.

As for the other questions - am I looking for someone to date or looking for submissives - no, I absolutely am not. What I am doing is trying to have a little fun with friends. I know how to be playful without crossing a line that I'm not ready to cross. After a year plus of being sad, I'm ready to laugh a little, smile a little, play a little. Nothing more, nothing less.

About That Man

After reading my accounts of the interactions I've had recently with a neighbor, a friend of mine wrote privately, "I think the gentleman you've been writing about on your blog has put 2 and 2 together and knows your online "identity," but is too polite to explore, for lack of a better term, whether telling you and expressing an interest would be a good or bad thing. Almost like he's hoping you'll say something that gives him "permission" to "go there." Just a thought...."

It's true that I don't want to believe that for many reasons, so maybe I'm in denial, but I think that I'm just more in tune with people using certain phrases and once I catch it, leading them conversationally from there. Think about it - women talk about training men all the time - that's not a strictly Domme statement. Some men talk about being well trained and others talk about their wives trying to train them (with and without success). That's not strictly a submissive thing.

One of my other friends asked me how much of Sunday's story was embellished for storytelling purposes. None of it was. Admittedly I left out a lot of boring details and chat, but what I wrote was what happened. I may have changed the exact words that were said a little bit but that was only a memory thing, not an embellishment thing.

I don't think any of the things that were said are unremarkable at all. In all likelihood this fellow isn't the tiniest bit submissive - I've never thought otherwise. His statements were interesting to me because of how the words usually apply when I hear them, not how I think he meant them. Not sure if that makes sense..

Phone Outages

We're experiencing power outages in most parts of the city (not here so far, thankfully) and phone outages. Neither our house phones nor our cell phones seem to be working. The DSL here isn't working either but one of our neighbors allowed me to use their cable internet for a bit. These outages are apparently widespread and we're not sure how long they will last. If you try to reach me and can't, don't panic :) I'll try not to do the same (who knew having no phone, no cell phone, and no internet connection could make a Domme so antsy? :)

I may have to connect in to this nice neighbor's cable connection from time to time... he seems amenable :)

Julia's Glorious Tushes

(Thanks to Arafin for the photo)

I was just over at Dee's website (if you haven't already, you really have to take a look - she's great) when one of her posts stirred a memory AND a momentary attack of panic.

For at least a year now, maybe two, I've been doing "Terrific Tush Tuesday" thanks to my good friend SuzyWearsThePants. I've collected dozens of tush pictures, both male and female, and they're all sitting in a nice folder on my desktop. I'm single so no one uses my computer except me and occasionally Bill, my boss. He reads my blog and knows all about my thing for men's tushes, so I figure - why worry about it? Why indeed?

A few days ago my computer had a couple of moments of making strange sounds ("chug a chug, grind, grind" for any technical people out there). I decided I should copy those tushes onto a disk so I wouldn't have to worry about them should my computer completely die.

Now - ask me where the disk is.

I realized a few moments ago that I had no idea.

I hurriedly went to look for it and it was no where to be found. I had it over the weekend, stuffed down in the side pocket of my handbag (I was planning on tucking it away in my suitcase at Mom's. Since I'm staying there for awhile, I am using her laptop instead of carrying mine back and forth from home. Storing tush pictures on *her* computer seemed like a bad idea). I've been so distracted lately that I just forgot all about it, never giving it another thought til I read Dee's post. After a frantic search I decided that the disk must either be in-between the front seats of my really, really, REALLY conservative sister-in-law's van or that it had fallen out on the ground by my mother's driveway. Either way - not a good thing.

It wouldn't be so bad if the disk wasn't labeled "Julia's Glorious Tushes".

I was almost certain I hadn't put it there, but for the heck of it I checked my carryall bag and found it stuffed down in side pocket with a note from my brother - "Found this and thought you'd want it back. Not a collection Mom or M. would care for but certainly something we will have to discuss sometime. ;) By the way, remember when Mom overheard you talking about the secret stash of Penthouses that T (our youngest brother) and I had??"

Brothers. Their memory never seems to fade. Hopefully their need for retribution does...

Oh - and my computer quit making that sound. Wouldn't you know it?

Thanks for Understanding

For the last year I have had very limited time online. I've lost contact with many of my friends, not returned phone calls, and left many, many emails unanswered and quite a few completely unread. I am saddened by the infrequent contact with people I really care about but a bit overwhelmed with the job of "catching up". Even though I've pared down the amount of messages by deleting quite a few, there still remain about 2200 unanswered emails in my inbox, some of them dating back as far as last November.

To say that is a bit overwhelming would be an understatement.

As you might imagine, I will never be able to catch up with that. Just replying to and keeping current with the mail I receive now is difficult enough. Soooo... unless I hear from someone privately saying "hey there's an email in there from me that is uber important", I'm going to delete everything but the most current. I'll do what I can to keep up with the current load. If nothing else, I'll write "group" emails or something :)

I appreciate your understanding.

About the End

I've received a large number of emails asking about the end of my relationship. Obviously it's really no one's business - what happened is private, just between the two of us. I will only say this - he did nothing to bring about the end of our relationship. He's a wonderfully exciting, giving, intelligent, articulate, funny, sexy man, and I love him very much. Some things just don't work out the way we want them to.

Even if there was something to tell, which there isn't, I find it sad to see someone bashed by an ex, quite often an ex that has to build his/her self-esteem by taking subtle or not so subtle digs at the person for which they once professed to feel so deeply.

So - no more questions. I'll delete the emails unanswered. Allow me my privacy.

Anonymous Comments

Anonymous 1 - "Why does it say about a Domme when someone dumps her? Sorry about your father."

Anonymous 2 - "Why do you publish bullshit comments like the one about you being dumped? Don't you have more self-respect than that?"


It's a curious phenomenon - when you write publicly about various aspects of your life, it leads certain types of people to think not only that they know you, but they have somehow earned right to sit in judgment and say whatever they wish to and about you.

I'm not about to respond to Anonymous 1's question. First of all, Anonymous 1, you cannot read, if you could, you wouldn't have asked the question. Second, what *does* it say about a Domme when someone "dumps" her?

As for Anonymous 2's question, you were almost but not quite as rude as Anonymous 1. You're first question is a fair one, your second - well to borrow a phrase from my friend, Robert, you're an arrogant ass as well.

Whenever I publish rude comments like the above, I do so for a couple of reasons. Often it is because I think there are probably others who have similar thoughts/questions, but they were not raised by wolves and are thus not rude enough to pose such questions in public. I don't mind when my friends ask why I post such comments - as I said, it's a fair enough question, however they ask it in private and out of concern for me. That said, I'd rather post the comment and respond if I think that there are others with similar questions. I know I owe no one an explanation, but I like to straighten things out if I wasn't clear enough with my original post. Sometimes I post them because it ticks me off that people are so rude and my only recourse to respond to their rudeness is to publish their comment. I delete far, far more of these types of comments than I publish without dignifying them with a response.

If you ask me, the question isn't why do I publish them - it's why do people say such things?

I am going to strongly consider not publishing any strictly anonymous comments. If you are going to leave an anonymous comment, please make up some name for yourself so I can at least separate out the nice anonymous commenters from the charm-school drop-out commenters.

Change

In the span of five days my life changed completely - I ended a three year relationship and my father passed away. To say I love these men deeply would be an understatement so the loss is almost palpable. It feels as if my head is in a fog and I can't shake it. I'm just hoping that there is some truth to the cliche that time heals.

The Gift of Words

To my special poet friend - I very much miss your gift of words. I think of you often and hope you are well.

Missing You

I cannot believe how long it has been since I blogged anything here. Time moves so quickly in many ways and seems to drag in others (smiles - how's that for a profound statement?).

My father is still with us. He is so weak now and his counts so low that I cannot imagine he can hang on much longer. He's still in pretty good spirits most days. Yesterday we were able to go for a drive in the country, during which time he told me all the things I need to change or do better in my life. I knew he was feeling a little better when he felt up to bossing me :) (No idea where I get that persuasive personality from...)

I miss all you. I receive your messages, texts, and your emails with a lot of smiles and affection. You've no idea how much your kindness has helped me through all this.

So - update me on *you*. If we can't talk, I can at least read here and see how you are.

Hugs and soft kisses on the cheek.

Lady Julia

Ask Lady Julia

As I mentioned last week, I am updating my web site. Should you have any suggestions or note any errors, please share that information with me. I'm certain there are typos galore and I suspect no matter how much I've tried not to, I've probably left some dead links, etc.

One of the things I've added is a polls/surveys page. I enjoy hearing people's opinions and responding to their questions. Some feel comfortable speaking up here, but many prefer some degree of anonymity. Remarks left on my polls/survey page are anonymous. Currently there are three surveys open for your comments. One of the surveys features the opportunity to ask me questions. I'll pull them out and respond either here or on my website.

The most recent question posed was

"Many people know what your favorite color is, but what is your second favorite color?"

Red of course is my favorite color for almost anything and my second favorite color would either be a sort of forest green or a darker blue. These last two wouldn't be my favorite color for clothing though - just for things. I think I'd have to stick with black and red as my two favorite colors to wear.

Sometimes it's difficult to choose.. red.. black.. or both...



This one's velvet...

I Hate War

Preface: This isn't a cheery or sexy post - in fact, I know it's quite depressing. I am upset and I need to vent. Please just skip it if you're looking for something erotic or hypnotic. I'm working on a couple of pieces like that and will post them later this week. You've been forewarned.

I hate war. Yes, I know - who doesn't? The war in Iraq is such a horrible thing - people dying or being injured everywhere. It's so far away that I think it's easy to let thoughts of it slip to the back of our mind and not worry about it very much. Easy, that is, unless you have family there. I live in a state where there are two major military bases and three coast guard stations. I'm not sure how many reserve units there are here but I know there are several. All this from a state with only four million people. Here, the military is a way of life for a large number of people. I do not know very many people at all who don't have at least one family member in Iraq.

My family has three loved ones there. TL, a young woman in her early 30s, is a medic. She's right there in the thick of things. We worry about her a lot and about what would happen to her little 5 year old son should something happen to her. Then there's B. He's three months younger than me and we were always close growing up. He's driving a Humvee delivering supplies in Iraq. He's perpetually a target from what I hear. Lastly there's T. Early 30s like TL with a four year old son. T is an MP (military police) and is right in the thick of things as well.

A little while ago we got word that T has been wounded. The injuries to his abdomen and leg were severe enough that he's in surgery right now but we don't know any more than that at the moment. His wife is away from home and out of cell phone range so she doesn't even know yet. So sad. If you pray, please remember T and any others injured during this attack.

I'm not a genius. I don't know how to stop this madness. What scares me most is thinking that no one else knows how either. Our families are in harm's way and so are the poor Iraqi people. If we pull out, heaven knows what will happen to them. If we stay, things like this will continue to happen. Hopefully someone in power knows what to do. Trusting them with the lives of people we love is so hard to do right now.

I hate war.