Honorifics

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Words are powerful. We may not all consciously recognize this fact but it's true nonetheless. If it wasn't then advertising, marketing, and PR companies wouldn't rake in billions each year choosing just the right words to elicit the targeted responses their employers seek. Because of my background in the psychiatric field and especially because of my work with hypnosis, I have a special interest in the power of words.

Lately I've been thinking a little about honorifics in particular. Mistress, Ma'am, Master, Lord, Sir, Lady - there are many. Some seem to truly enjoy their use while others scoff and infer that only the arrogant and misinformed are drawn to them. My thoughts on their general use lie, as with most things in life, under the category of "whatever works best for you".

Before I delve into why the use of honorifics is appealing to me under certain circumstances, allow me to offer a bit of background information. When I first began chatting in hypno D/s chat rooms, I selected the moniker of "Lady Julia". Primarily, as with most who choose a pseudonym, I wanted to preserve my privacy. While some may be comfortable using their true names online, I most decidedly am not. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I have parents and family who wouldn't understand my sexual proclivities in the slightest. Family interactions even in the best of families is not an easy thing, so I say why make it worse? Also, there are some very real nuts out there. (I know, I know - hardly a shocking statement.) I figured why make it easier for them to find me? Still an alias is something many people on line choose to affect. This doesn't explain my choice of "Lady" Julia, something many consider a demand for the use of an honorific.

If you've never chatted online using a female ID or if there are very few people online who know you, you probably can't completely identify with my reasoning. Not only am I a female with an online presence, but many, many people know of me. They've heard my voice, they're read my words. They feel as if they actually know me while they remain behind this very comfortable shroud of anonymity. This imbalance often leads many to feel safe in saying whatever they want whenever they want. Additionally, some seem to feel being a Domme is akin to being someone who is slutty. Combined, this has left me the target of some very rude, very vulgar comments. I chose the "Lady" part of my online persona not as an honorific or to infer that I was above others but to hopefully remind them that I am indeed a Lady and to kindly treat me with the same amount of respect with which I try to treat everyone.

(To round out the rest of that story, the "Julia" part of the nickname was chosen because it was the name of a character on a TV show I was watching the night I needed to choose my "mask". It sounded classy and sexy at the same time and I liked that. It's been quite some time since I've frequented chat rooms - I just don't have the time. Still, having chosen that particular ID and becoming known by it, it's mine to live with now for as long as I have any sort of web presence.)

So that's the take on what my online "honorific" type of name means. It isn't/wasn't designed to be any sort of honorific, it was a protective device. It didn't accomplish part of the goal - men still at times say some pretty unbelievable things to me, but it does serve the function of shielding my privacy a little.

As for the use of honorifics in my personal life, I admit that I do have a deep fondness for hearing my fella addressing me as "Mistress". It's not usually a term spoken by either of us unless during intimate times or during those times when I've pushed one of his submissive buttons. The rest of the time he simply calls me by name. During intimate moments "Mistress" is often a term of affection, just like darling, honey, sweetie, etc. and it also serves as a verbal reinforcer (along with my demeanor) that I'm in charge sexually.

Additionally, part of the source for the power stemming from the use of this word pre-dates our relationship. Because of information presented online and through TV shows and movies, he (like many submissive men) has been conditioned to associate the word "Mistress" with power, control, sexuality, and ownership. This has left the term to function as a springboard to a more submissive plane in his mind, whether he uses it or whether he hears me say it.

As for me, hearing him call me "Mistress" or referring to myself as such often makes me tremble slightly and almost always arouses me. I suppose this is one of the primary reasons I don't like just anyone using that phrase with me - it's something that is very intimate. I think my reaction to the word probably stems from reasons quite similar to his. The term was among the first I heard used when I began reading more about female dominance and male submission. So, even before I first heard the term uttered in reference to me, I had some preconceived notions about the power and sexuality of the word. Since then during some very intimate times, times in which I felt that delicious sense of sexy control, I've heard him moan or whisper "my Mistress". No wonder I tingle all over and often feel my body respond when I hear that!

I can't close a post about honorifics without momentarily mentioning those delicious submissivey sort of terms. Just as the word "Mistress" works so well for us when referring to me, there are expressions that work very well when I'm referring to him. I've mentioned before that verbal assertions of control are important to many submissives. The same can be said for many when hearing phrases like pet, toy, boy, slave, submissive, fuck toy, slut, bitch, etc. I don't use the words slut or bitch but that's our personal preference. Some of the other terms tease out arousal at times and a deepening of submissive feelings during others. Sometimes both. It depends on the situation and the tone and inflection of my voice.

All in all, we could interact without the use of any of these words. We can and do use our names with the same degree of love, lust, respect, control and/or surrender. These terms just add a splash of variety while achieving the same response.