From the Comments Section - The "Weak" Domme

Lately I've been simply deleting those post comments that are clearly meant to be rude. I could site a variety of reasons for doing so, but essentially they just got old. In spite of this, I do want to say that I continue to have the desire to encourage open discourse. I enjoy reading the comments of those who agree with me, but I also welcome dissenting point of views as long as they aren't patently rude. I believe this is how intelligent people interact.

Today "Dick" offered a dissenting but not really rude comment in response to my post "Home Again and Other Things". Since this is unusual for "Dick" I thought I'd respond. He remarked,

Some people feel Dommes should never show any weakness to their submissives. You obviously need a strong man. Does this need diminish your relationship? How can you be in control of him when you aren't around him or talking to him?

I thought I would post my reply here because his view about Dommes' revealing their weaknesses to their submissives seems to be shared by a number of other men.

First, let me clarify: I don't need a man. I can survive without a partner and did so for several years. Yes sometimes I lean on him for comfort or reassurance when life gets a bit overwhelming, but it's because I choose to. I can. If he wasn't there for me I wouldn't fall apart. I consider being able to share the difficult things in life a perk of being in a loving relationship. This has not ever diminished my control over him nor his respect for me. He's grounded and reasonable.

Your second question puzzles me. He's not a two year old child. He's an intelligent, mature man. Even in the strictest D/s relationships the Domme is not standing over the submissive 24/7 telling him what to do. That's where training comes in. I've trained him to know what I want in many instances and in those areas where he is unsure, he strives.

I really do not understand those of you who purport that a Domme is essentially perfect. She's a perfect size 6, is always eager to cane you, slap your face, and spill her golden nectar into your mouth no matter what is happening in her life. She never shows she's afraid or emotional. She never makes mistakes (at least if she does, she doesn't acknowledge them). When I read about such expectations I often wonder if men who allege that Dommes are this sort of "perfect" have ever had even a nodding acquaintance with a real woman, Domme or not.

Dommes are not perfect. We're people just like everyone. If I chose to I suppose I could project this fake persona of perfection when with my submissive and then find my occasional need for support from someone else, but why would I choose to do so? He's my partner. Supporting each other is what partners do.

Except, of course, in cheesy femdom fiction.

Home Again and Other Things

Image creator Olivia DeBerardini

I would have posted this image yesterday but I wanted to give Dan's tush a spot all its own ;)

Things seem calmer now with my parents so Bill and I were able to return home this afternoon. I'm going to write a bit, catch up on a couple of blogs, and then take a nap out by the pool. (The forecast for today proclaimed there would be "abundant sunshine". Who can pass on that? :) Later I'll post some more interview questions, answer some that have been asked of me, and try to respond to some of the email I've received the past few days.

On the way home I was thinking about my fella and how much I miss him. It's during busy times like these that I realize how happy I am and how appreciative I am that he is so strong. Not necessarily so that I can lean on him (although emotionally he is always there when I am upset), but because I know his surrender doesn't require me to tell him every single thing to do or even anything to do on a daily basis. He's an adult and he carries on doing what he needs to do regardless of my immediate direction. With things that pertain to us, he merely asks himself what he believes I would want and that is what he does. He's been trained well so he knows what to do in my absence and he continues to feel my control. Actually, it's all quite simple.

He's also understanding if there is nothing overtly D/s or sexual occurring between us during those times when life becomes so hectic. There's no manipulation of any sort including no attempts to make me feel guilty. He knows eventually things will come back to a more playful, sexy normalcy and he waits without complaint.

When things return to normal he knows that he'll receive a delicious reward for his understanding behavior. I am certain that right now he's wondering what will be happening in the near future. That sweet torment begins again and thanks to him we can both enjoy it.

I love you my dearest pet. You're wonderful.