Girl/Girl Equals Hot/Hot?
For years I've heard men speak of their excitement when they think about, hear about, or witness physical intimacies between two women and I've often wondered why. I seldom hear my female friends profess to find watching two men together to be "hot". Yes, men are very visual beings so I can see where that factors in, but even when watching extremely tender intimacies between men (where the female viewer's emotional buttons should be pushed), women don't seem to be nearly as affected.
In looking at the above photo last night, I was struck by the sheer beauty of the bodies of the ladies depicted. Is this what excites some men so? Still.. there are many beautiful sexual acts between men and women yet they're not usually depicted in porn. This leaves me thinking no... I don't see how it could *only* be the beauty of the interaction or porn would be a totally different animal.
So I'm asking - are you excited by watching two women together? What about the interaction appeals to you? Is there appeal even when you know you won't be invited to join? How would you feel if your wife/girlfriend admitted she was drawn to women sexually in addition to being sexually attracted to you? Would you ever want to watch your female partner have sex with a woman? What about watching her make love to another woman (yes, there is a difference)? Would any of this affect your sexual self-confidence?
Lots of nosy questions, I know. I'm not even sure I expect any answers.
I'll admit for myself that I've thought of being with another woman. I think I am much more likely to find relationship compatibility with men (after all, I *love* men), but I'd be lying if I said I never fantasized about being with my fella and another woman at the same time. Don't get me wrong ;) The other woman would *not* be there for his benefit - she would be there for *my* pleasure. In fact, I quite like the thought of tying him up and having him watch. It's not really something I would do because I'm a monogamous person, but it's really really fun to think about ;)
Labels: Sexuality
posted by Lady Julia @ 9:37 PM
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There are so many answers I could give regarding why many men, including myself, are turned on by lesbianism. Where to begin? Hmmmm, ..... I will not list in any order of importance, ... just write as ideas come to me.
This Western society we live in is moving towards more acceptance of gentleness in men, yet to a large extent boys are still pushed to be GI Joe and girls to be Barbie. I think that some of the draw adult males have to Girl/Girl is a sort of backlash against that. We want to experience that which we were made to think was taboo and here is this porn everywhere which lends itself very well to fantasizing about being with a woman *as* a woman.
This leads me to think of the sheer curiosity of what women experience during intimacy. I would like very much to realize fully what a woman goes through during sex, .... buttttttttt, .... I don’t get exited thinking about what a woman experiences when with a man, (unless it’s me, of course). Visualizing being with a woman as a woman is much more inviting.
I have always felt sort of cheated at not having as much emotional palate as women. That’s how I think of it at times although I know it is not exactly the case. Mind is neither masculine nor feminine so I should have the same potential to experience the same emotional colors as women. Women just seem to have more FUN with their bodies! Damn.
Then there is an issue which will mean nothing to those who do not believe in reincarnation. I do. Thus, I believe that I have lived many previous lives as both male and female. Sometimes I think I remember bits and pieces and perhaps pick up a little of what it used to be like to be a woman.
Finally I think that very basically it is a grass-is-always-greener-in-the-other-person’s-yard kind of thing and fantasizing about me as me being with a hot lady is not as much of a challenging fantasy as being with another woman as a woman. I mean, I could actually get lucky with Nicole Kidman. Not likely, though technically possible. But, .... it is physically impossible for me to get lucky with Miss Kidman as Angelina Jolie. It is a better fantasy because it is not possible. We want what we don’t have. (If I got it I imagine that the novelty would quickly wear off during my first menstrual cycle or late night looking for my car in a deserted underground parking garage.) Grass is greener but eyes are also bigger than stomach.
Oh, one more thing. Regarding if I would want to be with a woman who was bisexual. Yes I would, (and think I have). It is attractive because it hints that she will be more understanding of feminine feelings that I would otherwise probably hide with a straight woman. That’s the theory anyway.
I have no desire to dress as a woman or become feminized but I do desire to feel more, to boldly go, to seek out new and interesting experiences, and ..... ooooops ,.... too much Star Trek there for a moment. Sorry.
Gosh! I think I’m gonna be kicked out of the Man Union for writing all this stuff. Please don’t turn me in. OK? ....... HARRRUMMMPH! I’m gonna go have a beer now and watch some mixed martial arts on TV. Need a shot of violence to get my head straight, you know? (Heyyyyy, ..... wait a minute,.... that mixed martial arts stuff is men having contact with men! I can’t watch THAT! Not now.) I know, some good old fashioned Olympic Games. Noooope. Too much skin there. A shoot ’em up movie? No, too many scantily clad women. ...... Guess there’s just going to be bodies all over the place for the foreseeable future and I’ll have to figure out where to fit in as I go along. Sigh.
Bewilderingly,
Arafin
For me, there is an eroticism in the imagery of two women being intimate that goes far beyond the aesthetics. But i find it difficult to ascertain exactly why that is so. i can dance around it a little. For me, it's a fantasy. And somewhere in that realm, i "worship" the beauty of a woman. And there is something especially exciting about watching a woman's sexual response. Then add to that an element of the forbidden, the curiosity and seduction. The sensuality of women exhibiting that sexual response together - it's very arousing for me.
i don't have the same reaction watching two guys. Appreciating the aesthetics of their bodies is the best i can do.
Would i want to see my spouse with another woman? In my fantasies i do. But i control the outcome of my fantasies. In real life i would fear unintended consequences, not from the women being sexual together, but rather the potential of losing my spouse's emotional intimacy to someone new. If i had no fear of being eclipsed or excluded from emotional intimacy, i can see myself letting her know how hot it would be for me.
As for me now, monogamy is a protective measure for the emotional intimacy of our relationship.
Oh, and i meant to say that the appeal for me is not about me participating in a threesome. That's a different fantasy altogether.
Watching my spouse make love as opposed to just being sexual makes me wonder about how i would react. And perhaps i wouldn't know until i experienced it. If i suddenly realized that i would be unable to do for her what this other woman does for her, and our spousal intimacy was diminished dramatically due to the realignment of her focus, i think that would be a problem for me.
I seldom hear my female friends profess to find watching two men together to be "hot". [...] but even when watching extremely tender intimacies between men (where the female viewer's emotional buttons should be pushed), women don't seem to be nearly as affected.
I think this is less about the gender differences in the audience, and more about at whom the items viewed are being targeted.
When you consider that most of the performances you describe (whether in still or moving images), are designed for, and targeted at the arousal of men, then it really isn't surprising to me that women are significantly less affected than men when looking at them.
I think that if I saw two men being intimate together in a way that indicated to me that they were doing what they were doing with my gratification in mind, I'd find that very hot indeed.
For example, imagine a scene where two men are on their knees, touching each other, teasing each other, and frequently looking in your direction (as if you were physically positioned so that you were looking down at them from a bit of height) to check whether what they were doing was pleasing to you. I don't know about you, but I find the idea of such a scene to be quite hot. :)
Ask any lesbian what she thinks of woman-on-woman action in mainstream media. She'll tell you how it isn't designed for her enjoyment. As a bisexual woman, I don't find much of that stuff very interesting either.
In my experience, men won't be put off any kind of erotica even with a barge pole. I think that men are pretty much born sexually aroused, and stay there. Men find stuff hot, it's easy to cater for that, and they're willing to pay for it, so it is catered for in bucketloads.
For me, the closest I can get to mainstream erotica turning me on regularly (if I ever watched television, which I don't) is watching the food channel. :)
I disagree that women find erotic media uninteresting in and of itself. I just think that the kind of erotic material which would arouse, excite, and engage women just isn't out there in any kind of significant amounts. I think that the reason why women tend not to be excited by man on man action in porn or elsewhere, or indeed even most porn in general, is because primarily, women are not the target audience for that erotica. Apparently, women are only supposed to be the objects in the erotica, not the consumers. So whether it's woman-on-woman, woman-on-man, man-on-woman, man-on-man, or any additions or variations involving count-the-legs-and-divide-by-two, those performances are primarily not designed for nor directed towards achieving the arousal of women. Women are severely under-served in the erotica department. So it really isn't surprising that women don't find much if any of that arousing or exciting or even interesting. I'm not the first to notice this.
So I'm asking - are you excited by watching two women together?
It depends. If they are women I'm personally with in a room, and we are interacting together, then, yes. If it's in porn or suchlike, then generally not.
What about the interaction appeals to you?
It appeals to me in precisely the same ways that any erotic encounter appeals to me. It appeals to me because I enjoy their genuine enjoyment, I enjoy them genuinely enjoying each other, and enjoying me, and enjoying my enjoyment of them, and me enjoying myself with them, and all of that is hot.
Is there appeal even when you know you won't be invited to join?
If I'm not invited to join, but I am invited to watch (as I would have to be if I were in the room with them) then, yes, still hot.
If I'm watching women together in the usual mainstream porn crap, or peeking in uninvited and unconsensually, then no, I generally don't find that hot.
How would you feel if your wife/girlfriend admitted she was drawn to women sexually in addition to being sexually attracted to you?
As a bisexual polyamourous person, I already expect and accept that as being absolutely normal and appropriate, and am fine with it. My kvetch already knows I am, and he's always been fine with it, whomever my other partners were, and whatever their genders.
Would you ever want to watch your female partner have sex with a woman? What about watching her make love to another woman (yes, there is a difference)?
I do and I have and it's hot. I have also done this with my male partners, where they got erotically busy with women for my gratification. That's hot. I was interested to hear my male partners describe to me that sometimes, however much they liked the woman they were being erotic with for my benefit, sometimes they didn't feel that they were emotionally engaging with her in the same way they were physically engaging with her. Either way, watching them enjoy themselves with another person is something I find very hot.
I think it's hotter for me to watch when they are emotionally engaging with their partners. I find that almost unbearably hot, and often very moving. The poly community have terms for that, they call it compersion or frubbles. The opposite of frubbles is wibbles or jealousy.
I think it just feels so perfect when I see people I care about caring for each other. It's an amazing feeling. Kvetch prefers any of my other partners to look after me when he has to go off to do stuff, rather than leaving me on my own. He feels more comfortable knowing somebody's there to answer the bell and bring me stuff. :)
And knowing somebody's looking after him when I'm not there is a comfort to me. Having said that, he's never served any other dominant since we've been together (aside from when it was under my specific direction). So I don't know how I'd feel if he were serving another dominant when I wasn't around.
But I think I'd be fine with it as long as I knew that he was keeping his promises to honour his longer term instructions and agreements we've made. I'll have to get back to you on that one. :)
Would any of this affect your sexual self-confidence?
Well, it hasn't yet.
I think the only way I'd feel uncomfortable about it is if I saw my partners engaging with the other people in tender ways which I felt had been missing from their interactions with me. If that were the case I'd have a think about it, and then discuss it with them to explore what was up with that.
If I didn't feel satisfied with the outcome of the discussion, then I suppose I'd have to think about how I felt about continuing my relationship with them.
I appreciate that these questions were not designed with me in mind. Still, I hope you don't mind that I answered them anyhow. :)
I also appreciate that my outlook isn't shared by many others (if any).
I don't know if my perspective was interesting to you, but it's sure interesting to me. :D
I hereby virtually present you with one hour in front of the food channel.
Now THAT is hot! Mmmmmmmmm... :D
Hugs,
Lubyanka. :)
In contrast to what i think Arafin described as wanting to BE Angelina with Nicole, i experience the eroticism simply being me as a fly on the wall watching Angelina and Nicole together.
Although it isn't much of a stretch for me to experience the fantasy as Arafin described it also.
i find it interesting that our erotic male perceptions of the girl on girl action are approached differently.
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.
I stand corrected about women being aroused by watching two men. Sometimes I tend to forget that the women I live around and talk to are not necessarily typical of the entire world. I will say that I do wonder if you are referring to women who are involved in a non-mainstream lifestyles. In the world of D/s and polyamory I can accept that there are many women who are aroused by M/M interaction, but I'd venture to guess that isn't the case in the mainstream population. (I only differentiate because it seems like most guys are turned on by girl/girl, not just those in an alternative lifestyle.) That said, I've been wrong before so I am perfectly willing to admit I could be wrong here :)
Lubyanka said, "I think that if I saw two men being intimate together in a way that indicated to me that they were doing what they were doing with my gratification in mind, I'd find that very hot indeed." I'm sure this would be appealing to many Dommes, but it really isn't in the context in which I meant my original remarks. In this case, isn't it more the fact that they are doing something to please you, rather than what they are doing?
Many men seem to be turned on by anything girl/girl - from kissing on. It doesn't have to be something they do to please the man. It's just the act. I think I understand why a little better from reading the remarks posted here (again, thank you all). This affinity does, however, remain something I about which I will ponder.
Lubyanka said, "I think that if I saw two men being intimate together in a way that indicated to me that they were doing what they were doing with my gratification in mind, I'd find that very hot indeed." I'm sure this would be appealing to many Dommes, but it really isn't in the context in which I meant my original remarks. In this case, isn't it more the fact that they are doing something to please you, rather than what they are doing?
Since you didn't specify a context for your original remarks, I am not sure which context you meant them in.
Obviously, porn is designed to please its target audience. I don't see a difference between porn designed with me in mind (as if!), and porn with people in it doing something to please me.
That's one of my big problems with gay porn - sure it's sort of hot, but there's always something missing. Then again, it isn't designed for my enjoyment, so that's probably why.
If you were genuinely the target audience of some porn, I'm sure you'd find it hot. Since most porn doesn't account for people like us, most porn isn't hot to people like us.
Many men seem to be turned on by anything girl/girl - from kissing on. It doesn't have to be something they do to please the man. It's just the act.
Actual lesbian porn, which is designed by and for the enjoyment of lesbians, might be found hot by some men, but my experience is that most men find heterosexually-designed girl-on-girl porn to be much hotter than real lesbian porn. And since the bulk of porn out there is designed for the heterosexual male consumer, it doesn't surprise me that most heterosexual men find that kind of girl-on-girl porn hot.
Think about it, who is all that girl-on-girl stuff you're thinking of really designed and targeted for? This stuff isn't made in isolation, with no audience in mind, you know.
Can you think of any specific girl-on-girl material which heterosexual men find hot, which wasn't actually designed with their enjoyment in mind? Whose enjoyment was it designed for? Who made it? I somehow doubt that it was candid photography, taken on the fly at the Bisexual Exhibit at the Lesbian Zoo or something.
Yes, I am rather bitter about this issue. And yes, my period is due and I am raging cranky.
Thank you for letting me indulge my crankfest on your blog. :D
(cranky) Hugs,
Lubyanka. :)
Lubyanka, I was not referring to porn specifically. I was thinking more of fantasy, RL opportunity, etc. Just the concept of girl/girl. Any time I've asked men what they think of girl/girl interactions, if we were speaking in person I could see and hear positive reactions with no other stimulation than that. It's like a movie suddenly starts playing in their minds. Perhaps it is some of that made primarily for men girl/girl porn, I don't know :)
I'm not a big porn person, probably for some of the same reasons you mentioned. Erotica - something soft and sensual, full on foreplay - is really nice but seldom seen any place other than chick flicks.
Any time I've asked men what they think of girl/girl interactions, if we were speaking in person I could see and hear positive reactions with no other stimulation than that. It's like a movie suddenly starts playing in their minds.
Ok, now, that's a really interesting observation. Thank you for clarifying your premise in a way that my hormone-fuelled grrrrrrfest can understand. :)
For my own curiosity, and perhaps this is a bit off topic, but would you feel comfortable sharing if you've observed this response in other contexts, to other ideas, and if so, did you notice any similarities between those and the girl-on-girl thingy?
And thank you for being so understanding about my crankfest crankathon with extra crank. :)
Grr.
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