Where Are All the Good Submissive Men?
I've heard some people remark lately that there are very few "good, single, submissive men". While it's true there are a lot of misguided men out there sporting the submissive label, I've met and am friends with a number who are simply delightful - strong, sexy, honest, intelligent men who can take care of themselves, who submit because they choose to, not because they have to. They're also men who have professed difficulties in finding the right dominant woman. I wonder why these two groups have such trouble at times finding one another?
Perhaps it's a difference in what each seek? I'm not really sure what the dominant women are expecting as I'm not really close to any females. I do know that most of my submissive guy friends are not really masochists but instead are into the more mental aspects of D/s. Is this a drawback when seeking a Domme? I really don't know. For me it isn't an issue when a man isn't a masochist because I'm not a sadist. Still.. I also hear masochists bemoaning the fact that there are very few female sadists.
What are your thoughts? If you're currently in a relationship now, was it difficult for you to find "the one"? If you're not in a committed relationship now is it from lack of desire to do so or more from an inability to find the right person?
Do you agree with those who profess they're really just aren't many Dommes or "good submissive men" who are looking for a relationship?
Is it simply that fewer people are wanting to commit now than in the past?
Or, is it something else all together?
Labels: Dominance / submission, Relationships
posted by Lady Julia @ 5:12 PM
7 Comments
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7 Comments:
Hello Lady Julia,
I have written some comments on my Blog about Jane Austen, partially inspired by this posting, but they are in no way intended for you personally or to be hurtful to you!! I have left similar comments for Susan and Elizabeth.
best wishes nigel.
I don't feel there's a dearth of good, submissive men. I can't comment on the supply of dominant women. But I think the issue is one of communication and openness.
There are certainly plenty of submissive men. Note that I don't use the word "good". I don't profess to know what a dominant woman wants in her submissive men. If all she wants is someone to dominate, I don't think she has a problem finding willing subjects.
But "good, submissive men"... Well, that might be harder. It comes down to what you consider a good sub. And I suspect that the qualities that make someone a "good" sub mean the person first and foremost displays other attributes -- strength, intelligence, kindness, for instance. These are the attributes that society values and says men should have.
Good men -- submissive or otherwise -- seek to display manly attributes such as these.
Take myself as an example. If you were to meet me at work or in a social setting, it's unlikely you would guess I have submissive tendancies. I don't display them. Frankly, in those settings I just simply don't have them. I'm not submissive to the entire world, after all. I'm submissive to my wife, and that's where it ends. And we don't telegraph our relationship for the entire world to read. At the most, I appear attentive.
But imagining I were single and available, how would a dominant woman and I meet up? I really don't know. I'm wouldn't be looking for a dominatrix or for a woman who would treat me badly. I wouldn't frequent fetish clubs. Heck, I wouldn't know where to find a fetish club.
My basic point in all this? I don't think there's a shortage of submissive men. I think the problem is that the men who would accept a female-led relationship aren't open about it. Society and past lovers have taught us not to be.
I don't think there's a dearth of good submissive men. I think the good submissive men just aren't obvious about it until we get to know and trust you. I also think there are a lot of men who would benefit from a female-led relationship who wouldn't admit so if asked.
Is this the answer?
Keep reading the entry. A slow beginning but quickly gets to the point.
Nigel I would never think you would ever been intentionally hurtful. You're a sweetheart.
I think you may feel there are plenty of good submissive men available because you draw them to you. Unlike some you are charming, emotionally stable, intelligent, secure in who you are, and you do not let males force you into their mold of the "dominant woman".
KGP, definitely there isn't a shortage of men who want to be dominated.
"I don't think there's a shortage of submissive men. I think the problem is that the men who would accept a female-led relationship aren't open about it. Society and past lovers have taught us not to be."
I tend to agree. Things are better today than they were say even ten years ago, but there's still a long way to go.
Geeks Rule, cute article :) Thanks for sharing.
Thomas, thanks for the compliment.
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