Ahhh - Youth

David Cassidy. I loved him so when I was 12. Didn't every girl my age? I think it was his hair. Just what was the fascination we had in the 70s with hair?

A friend forwarded a story about David's latest project - a book in which he spills all his sex secrets including a hookup with a woman named Barbara the Butter (named thus because she liked to cover her lovers in butter). I'm not one for kiss and tell books and truthfully, the thought of this one leaves me a bit disconcerted. Perhaps it's a great thing to write about one's sexcapades from 30 plus years ago, I don't know... I think it's sort of sad. Writing about your sexcapades from this year - now that's a different story ;)

Sigh - and he's 57. Hard to think of one's teen idol being 57. Not that 57 is old for anyone else - just my teen idol.

Who was your teen idol/heartthrob?

Bedtime Story

My senses have been hypnotically tormented
until they overwhelm me.
The darkness is like fine silk
moving across a just healed wound.
In the half light, I see Her pale body of delight
wearing that erotic blood red
bondage tight dress. Its image caresses
all the vulnerable parts of me
and I gasp as the sound of Her heels
on the hardwood floor pound into me
with the irresistible rhythm of complete domination.
When I return to myself, only the scent
of Her perfume convinces me that it was real.
The ability to perceive comes and goes in waves.
Large and random segments of time disappear.
In one lucid moment, I notice that I am naked,
gagged and bound on a great satin bed, then
I hear Her approach and all consciousness
fades away as She comes near. She whispers,
and my position becomes desperate and clear.

- (c) 2007, william the submissive poet

Tattoos and Terrific Tush Tuesday

Ok fellas, since several of you have commented that you flinch every time you come here and see a photograph of a naked male behind, I thought I'd be sweet to you today on this Terrific Tush Tuesday. I'm not a big fan of tattoos, but I thought this was lovely.

So.. speaking of tattoos, what are your thoughts? Like them, hate them, they're ok but not really your thing?

"Pillow Talk: BDSM: a Gentle, Firm Introduction"

Through Goddess Kwan Yin's Yahoo Group, I discovered a link to an interesting article entitled "Pillow Talk: BDSM: a Gentle, Firm Introduction". It's a nice little primer that does a good job of normalizing the use of bondage and spanking in sexual play. Since spanking can offer a few hazards when using implements other than the hand, it also offers some practical safety advice.

I like seeing articles like this in "mainstream" publications. It's a nice way to offer information to those who are just beginning or are on the edge considering taking the plunge.

Softly Softly Catchee Monkey

I'm guessing you suspected I wouldn't be writing today, didn't you? I honestly thought that perhaps I might not even though I've been doing pretty well with my resolve to write every day. Bill had chemo today and as you can imagine that's a rough day for him and for me. He's been quietly resting for a couple of hours now and because of this I was able to speak with Rook for awhile and also find a moment to jot down a few thoughts here for you.

Rook's a really good man. He's not just my submissive and lover, he's my friend. He knows how difficult things have been so he's been a bit more of a rascal lately (teasing and laughing, telling me tall tales to see how gullible I really am, etc). It's just something we do to relieve some of the stress - especially when we don't have the time or energy for the more physical forms of stress relief ;) In the midst of all this teasing I laughingly informed him that he was becoming just a bit too bratty and if he wasn't careful, the next time he is with me, I will have a long list of infractions and he'll be spanked - a lick for each infraction. (The mere mention of the word "lick" took my rascal off on a tangent of just where he'd like to lick ;) After a few very warm and arousing moments I steered the conversation back to spankings. I thought it time I assess how we each felt about adding that sort of activity to our play.

I've never been a believer in spanking a submissive as a form of discipline. He's a grown man and if he's "into" spanking doing so would only reinforce negative behaviors. If he's not into it, he's a grown man and some form of verbal intervention should be most effective. Usually I just tell him when I'm upset or displeased, we talk it out, and things change. Pretty simple. (This is only my opinion and I only consider it valid for myself and my partner - no judgments are being cast on others.)

Spanking for pleasure on the other hand is something that has definitely interested me in the past, but with Rook it's never really been a part of our D/s interactions. He's always been more than willing to accept it, but he's admittedly honestly that it doesn't do a thing for him. Well.. for me, that just makes it no fun at all. Controlling his mind and his pleasure is what excites me most.

When I was teasing him earlier about accruing licks on his "reasons I'm getting spanked" list, I remarked that I thought he was deliberately trying to get "into trouble" to add to his "punishment". Something in his voice changed a bit. If I didn't know him so well, I would have missed it. To my surprise, there's a bit of an interest there in playful paddling, enough so that he was a bit excited talking about it (and he certainly wasn't the only one).

All this made me think about our relationship - where we are now compared to where we when we first came together. Things I never thought I'd like - I love. He's the same way. (I know you've heard all that before but it seemed to really strike home hard tonight.) I think that it's a good sign that we're growing together as a couple. There's probably also some wisdom in there for anyone who might be attempting to get their partner to be a bit more interested in FemDom related things. Give her time. Don't push her. If you're patient, she may evolve slowly like I did and in turn, you may as well. A "no" today may not mean "no" forever. Softly, softly catchee monkey ;)

Smiles. You'll forgive me if this is a bit rambley, won't you? I'm very tired and sleepy, but I wanted to write this down while it was on my mind.

Love is...

"Love is a friendhip with erotic moments." ~ Antonio Gala

I'm a Little Sad

Bill's been a bit difficult to get along with lately. No... actually... he's been quite difficult to get along with lately. That's ok, I completely understand. His health is worsening and his prognosis isn't nearly as good as it was six months ago. If anyone deserves a bit of slack for not being totally well behaved, I suppose it would be Bill. After all, he's normally a very warm and caring person and I couldn't ask for a better boss or friend.

This afternoon he told me that he needed to go out to the local outpatient clinic as he wasn't feeling well. Nothing urgent he assured me, just in need of a bit of antibiotic. He helped me into the truck and before long we were pulling into the driveway of someone's home. He put his finger to his lips to shush me after I shot him a puzzled look and led me into the house. Waiting inside was a 30 something fella with a quick smile and kind eyes. He greeted me warmly and welcomed me to "Pampered Ladies", a very charming personal spa service catering to a very specific clientele - men who are in the doghouse with the their ladies.

It would seem that for some undisclosed (and I am sure exorbitant) amount of money this man not only helps provide an afternoon or evening of blissful pampering but he does it in a manner tailored specifically to the lady's tastes. For my special time a number of scented candles were burning, soft classical music was playing, and a nice glass of chilled champagne was waiting. What a lovely relaxing time after the past few days. I spent a couple of hours having my hair washed and styled, a manicure, pedicure, and the best massage I've ever received that wasn't sexual in nature ;)

Oddly, instead of all this making me happy, I find this evening that a big part of me is really sad. I miss Rook a lot during the time we're apart and I can't help thinking that while pampering is incredibly nice, it's certainly a lot better when it's rendered by someone who loves you. Bill and I discussed my feelings and he assures me understands. I adore him for what he did for me, I had a very nice time, and yes, he's out of the doghouse that he was never really in.

Sigh. Not my usual sort of entry but I really need to rid myself of this down mood and I thought writing about it might help. Plus I guess I feel like I'd be a big hypocrite if all I ever wrote about were the good times. No one's life is always great - not even a Domme ;)

I promise tomorrow's entry will be more upbeat. I'll answer emails and group posts tomorrow. Just not in the mood tonight. Sorry.

Mea Culpa

When I did my last Mesmerizing Women of the Web update I added a few sites based on the recommendations of other people. Since I've been so busy I didn't review them all personally. Apparently the owner of at least one of these sites (blogs) was not impressed to be included in such august company. If you find you are in a similar situation please simply write me and I'll remove your side from the list. My apologies.

It's Not About the Toys

In response to yesterday's "Memory Lane" post, dick remarked that chocolate syrup and scarves were very vanilla things to use during sex, adding "Doesn't every couple play around with chocolate syrup and scarves?" My first thought in response to his comment was simply "so?... and?" followed closely by "I certainly hope so. It's too much fun to pass up."

Thanks to the members of the "Church of the One True Way" (COTW) there are a number of people who won't even begin to consider a power exchange relationship because they think they can't "do" all the things required to have one. I find this sad because dominance and submission isn't about the toys, the clothes, or the tone of voice. It's about what is happening in the mind of the submissive and the dominant when they interact. If I want X to happen when I am with him or if I want for him to do X and these things occur because it is what I want then it's an exchange of power. All the other stuff is window dressing. For some it's very fun window dressing, but it's window dressing nonetheless.

And what's wrong with a little vanilla or mildly kinky fun? Except for the COTW, who cares? Life's short and often difficult. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may and screw the labels.

Comments on Comments

I'm behind on responding to some of the comments you've left. Promise I'll catch up :) And, I'm going to try to start doing my comments bar a little differently (assuming I can figure out the code to do so. I want to make it automatic.)

My group has virtually exploded this week - over 400 messages in the last 7 days so I've been spending the majority of my time over there. Oh - and in emptying my email box. I have 21 unanswered emails at the moment. The last time that happened was... hmm... can't even remember :) I guess all this catching up is the "pro" side of damaging my knee :)

Fantasies - Again

More sage advice from the comment section:

Tom Allen wrote,

Let me add that sometimes it comes in a form that you don't get because you're too worried about what the fantasy means with regard to the us of your relationship. For example, if he mentions a 3-way with another woman, do not automatically assume that a) he's already seeing someone else, or b) that he no longer finds you attractive.

Likewise, if he mentions bondage, knee-high boots, or battery-powered egg whisks, it's not that he wants to replace you or that the equipment becomes the focus. Rather, it's that he's looking to share an experience that he hopes will lead to intimacy - his terms. And that's not a selfish "his" but an act or situation that he hopes will become a fun and pleasurable pastime.

Stop worrying if that leather bustier will make your hips look fat - that's the furthest thing from his mind. More important is the knowledge that you're willing to listen to him about this.

I especially liked that last paragraph and wanted to point out that I think the some of the same can be said to men as well. While some don't worry about how they look doing certain things or wearing certain things (or... not wearing anything), I know quite a number of men do. I've thought about this quite often as I posted those weekly pics of gorgeous male behinds and wanted to point out that even though those are fun to post, I certainly am not expecting my fella to look like that and I doubt most women my age are either. I'm much more concerned that he's loving and attentive, and adventurous.

Memory Lane

Earlier we were talking in my YahooGroup about the qualities a Dom/me should possess. I so agree with those who mentioned that a sense of humor is a must.

As you can imagine, things don't always go perfectly when you're doing kinky things. I remember once in a previous relationship we were staying in a hotel room and we'd forgotten to put the "do not disturb" sign on the door. Our first mistake. Then that morning after he'd gone across the hall to get some ice for my diet soda he failed to secure the privacy bolt when he came back in. The final (and biggest mistake) was deciding to stay another night. We called down to tell the front desk to charge another night to the credit card but apparently the housekeeping service didn't receive that info and thus thought the room was empty (I know you see where this is going).

We were having a grand time playing - he was tied to the bed with some silk scarves and was covered in chocolate syrup. I was straddling his legs licking chocolate syrup off his tummy working my way up to his chest when the door opened and the maid walked in. She looked at him, then me, winked, and walked back out.

We laughed for 10 minutes.

Then, we thought about what we COULD have been doing and laughed a little more ;)

2007 Winter Short Story Contest

Thank you to everyone who contributed to my 2007 Short Story Contest. Everyone who submitted a story was eligible for a drawing for a personalized hypnosis MP3 or a 1:1 non-erotic hypnosis session. Kevin (hypnoamenable) was the winner of this latest contest! You'll find his story below. The other entries have been published on my website. Thanks to all who worked so hard to please the Lady :)


----------------

"No Fat Chicks"
by hypnoamenable

"Sorry", Brad mumbled as he felt his body slam into the chubby redhead entering the door through which he was exiting.

"No problem at all." She flashed a smile. Her eyes glanced at the "no fat chicks" slogan printed in white across his black T-shirt. "I'm not really clumsy," she added. "I was just trying to catch your attention." With a wink of her twinkling green eyes she hurried on into the tavern.

He paused, totally taken aback by the sexiest voice he had ever heard. Pity she was a chubby. He could definitely get lost in a voice like that.

As he stepped up to the curb he paused mid-hail. The cab could wait. Maybe he would just go back inside for a drink and a quick chat. Give the chubby girl a bit of a thrill and absorb a little more of her voice into his mind and then later when he wanked off, he could imagine her voice attached to the amazing body of one of those two dimensional porn sluts featured on www.getmyrocksoffnow.com

Brad was a confirmed bachelor. It wasn't that he was opposed to love or marriage for anyone else. He had never been able to find one woman with all the perfect qualities. Either they weren't pretty enough or they were too chubby like the redhead or they weren't smart enough for someone like him.

He reentered the tavern and glanced around expecting to find her sitting either alone or with a group of other women. To his surprise she was seated at the bar with a handsome buff blonde man on her left and his dark-haired clone on her right.

Initially he thought she must be alone until he saw her smile flash at the blonde and heard a low sexy laugh pass from her lips. "Must be a gay dude. Gay dudes always seem to like being friends with the plump chicks", he thought. "Damn! She's got a great laugh too. Real pity she's a chubby."

He sat at the bar on the right of the dark-haired one and tried to appear as if he wasn't listening. Thanks to the curve of the bar he could see her face and hear her perfectly as she spoke.

"Really Andrea, you must show old James here what I'm saying is true! He doesn't believe that you have the power," blonde-hair urged.

"Thomas I have no special power. You know that."

Damn he was getting a little hard just listening to her talk! He was tempted to close his eyes and imagine her thin but he didn't want to miss anything.

"Come on Andrea. Whisper a few words my way and let's see this power of yours. Thomas swears you can make me do anything."

"Not really James. I can only make you do the things I want you to do. I don't care about anything else." She tossed her head and laughed.

"That I believe my beautiful friend, but I still want to see this "stuff" Thomas speaks of."

Brad leaned forward a little, completely mesmerized by the conversation and that velvet voice.

She continued speaking to James, her voice soothing and melodious. For some reason Brad couldn't take his eyes off her lips.

"It must be getting louder in here", he thought. "I can barely hear what she is saying." He leaned forward a little more and focused harder on her words.

"1, 2, 3, awake now!".

"What?" he thought. "I must have had more to drink than I thought. I think I drifted off. Wait. What was she saying?"

"That's really all there is to it, James. It's quite simple..." As a striking brunette walked up behind James and placed a hand on his shoulder, he turned. Andrea continued, "Whenever you hear the word "hearts", you'll fall madly, completely in love with the next woman you see! When you do, hearts will be breaking around the country knowing that you are off the market!" The foursome laughed.

"Not such a great trick, Andi. You know I'm already in love with this gorgeous doll of mine," James protested.

"She's just being careful, James. She wouldn't do anything to make you fall in love with another woman," Thomas chided. "My sister is way more responsible than that."

"I am responsible but remember they say a hypnotist can't make someone do something unless deep down it is really what they want to do," Andrea assured him.

Sister, Brad recalled with an overwhelming sense of relief. This gorgeous creature wasn't with either man. What a stroke of luck.

Andrea took a sip of her drink and her eyes met his over the rim of her glass. Brad felt his face flush and his cock suddenly got much harder.

"Speak to her!" he ordered himself. "Hurry before she leaves and you lose her."

He spoke up and announced that he had always thought hypnosis was really a lot of bullshit but when he saw it done by the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, a woman with the most incredible voice he'd ever heard, he was convinced it was real.

Andrea smiled and suggested that they find a quieter place to talk.

He flushed brighter because he knew when he stood she'd see the bulge in his trousers and would immediately know that her beauty was driving him over the edge. Before he could voice his objection he was on his feet.

Her eyes wandered from his flushed face, to his "no fat chicks" slogan, down to his crotch, and back up again. Her brother laughed as she did and Brad turned still a brighter shade of red.

She picked up her purse and walked out the door, completely assured he would follow.

Brad hurried after her. He couldn't believe his luck in finally finding the perfect woman.

Andrea's lips curved into a satisfied smile. She'd use him until she was no longer amused and then leave him standing naked in the tavern parking lot. Naked that is except for his "no fat chicks" t-shirt.

Mesmerizing Women of the Web

I've done an update for my Mesmerizing Women of the Web site. I can't believe it's been so long since I've added any sites to the list!

If your blog or site isn't listed feel free to write me and I'll consider it for inclusion. This "links" site averages about 400 hits a day so if your site is included it may help increase traffic.

A Little Chuckle

Thanks for sharing this with me, Art :)

Kids are smarter than you think...

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.

A few moments passed .. "An ambulance just drove by"

A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike....."

"A few moments later, 'Looks like the Sanders are moving/"

"Jason is on his skate board...."

A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too."

Still More On Fantasies

I often find that some of the most interesting writing transpiring on my blog can be found not in what I write, but in the comments left by others. In response to the last post on fantasies, Goddess Susan wrote:

"We all know there are times when we talk to our lover but don’t hear most of what they’re saying. We’re busy forming our own response, rebuttal, opinion, etc as they talk.

In many cases, there’s a tendency to concentrate solely on “the fantasy”. To immediately make a judgement. Whether it’s appealing, why he wants it etc. and in doing so we miss an opportunity.

Remove the details of the fantasy and you have a man who is being honest, open and extremely vulnerable to you. As women we pay great lip service to craving more feelings and intimacy from our guys, well sometimes it may come in a form that we may not be initially comfortable with.

Try to view his fantasy as a portal in which you and he can walk through, into a more honest, intimate relationship, regardless of whether the fantasy is ever realized.

As for the guys, remember that your fantasies are screened thru the many filters of your relationship when you express them to your lover. It’s important to know where you are in the relationship and how she feels about "us" when talking to her. I think most women that feel truly loved and secure may be open to more than you imagine."

Wonderfully stated.

What is Love?

by jay

Love is not ONE thing to all. i will try to explain what it is to me.

By way of a lead in....i met my Wife and three months later we were married...and that was over 25 years ago. i was in love with Her then and i am still in love with Her now.

In Spanish the word for the love between a man and woman is different to the word for the love between a child and a parent or between a brother and a sister. In the first case it is "Querer" in the second it is "Amar". So a lover will say to his/her partner "Tequiero" which interestingly literally means "I want you".

So to me love means i want your company, your laughter, your sadness, your smell, your shape, your eyes, your hair, your thoughts, your approval, your pleasure, your happiness, your safety, your excitement, your strength, your support, your wellbeing, your caresses, your orgasms.......

It is a "wanting" which merges giving and receiving in such a way that they become one and the same.

Apologies

It would seem I really offended a few people with yesterday's post about the cocktail party. Somehow a few readers drew the impression that I was saying that housewives and stay-at-home moms were boring. That's honestly not what I was saying. I could have enjoyed talking about kids and cooking had I not been treated with such hostility that night. I also think that most stay-at-home moms and housewives have more to talk about than that and are interesting people with whom to converse. As I mentioned, my mom, sister-in-law and many of their friends are in that position and are all very interesting people.

At any rate, if you were offended by my comments I apologize. That certainly wasn't the intent.

More on Fantasies

My friend Robert wrote the following and since I found it very insightful I thought I'd share it. (Again, not designed as advice for anyone - just a sharing of thoughts.)

"i've been pondering the fantasy sharing question You posed. i know my erotic fantasies are all over the map and aren't really geared to consider real-life implications for others. So my gut instincts are that i'm hesitant to share something that my lover could perceive as a desire, hope or expectation that they feel unwilling or inadequate to fulfill. Even though we might emphasize that it is something we don't really consider doing in real life, our lover may be so desirous of pleasing us, that i wonder if the effect on them could still be the same. i say that with a hearty appreciation for honesty in a relationship. My thought is that it might set my lover up to feel disconnected and conflicted if they don't feel comfortable joining the fantasy. But then how do we ever find out if we have compatible fantasies with our lover? i don't feel i have a handle on the answer to this question yet.

Bottom line: Real life cries out for the courage to take reasonable risks when seeking to deepen and enrich our relationships. Sensitivity to our partner's needs may mean carefully entrusting our fantasies with them in small doses, being especially attentive to the comfort level in their reactions and body language."

My Saturday Evening

I mentioned on Friday that I would be attending a cocktail party over the weekend with Bill and a number of his friends from college. They're an interesting lot. All the men are very successful professionals and their wives are all full time housewives. Before I go any farther, I'm not knocking housewives - my mom was/is one and I respect her more than any person who has ever lived. She's intelligent, world savvy, and can talk on almost any subject. Several of her housewife friends and one of my sisters-in-laws are the same. I love talking to them.

Anyway, when we arrived I wasn't able to make it into the house unassisted thanks to the snow, my injured knee, and a nice set of steps up into the house. Two of the fellas hurried out and helped/carried me into the house. This I believe did nothing to endear me to the ladies, but nonetheless, couldn't be helped. After a little small talk the party shifted as most of them do with the men migrating to the den and the women to the kitchen. The ladies spent quite a bit of time talking about recipes, their kids, carpool woes, and their latest shopping bargains. I have nothing against this and in fact wish I could relate more. I have no children and I'm not really into shopping (ok, I hate shopping). I stayed in the kitchen for a bit and attempted to join the conversation (at least I can cook and I do love kids), but after a few snubs and one request to be a dear and refill someone's glass, I decided that wasn't the place for me. (Heh - if I was writing a bit of fiction here this is where I'd say I hypnotized them and had them all doing silly things. Either that, or walking around treating me like I was Queen Julia and they were my Ladies in Waiting. Hmm - that has possibilities for the future... ;)

Instead I hobbled out into the den and spent an enjoyable couple of hours talking with the men about politics. Ever been in a room full of Southern conservatives when you're the only one with a liberal slant? (ok, I'm moderate but compared to these people I'm laying completely over on my left side!) Sheesh. It was actually very interesting and I learned a bit about the really conservative views on a few issues. I was happy to find that most of these men were as upset with King George as I and that they cannot wait until he is out of office. Perhaps there is hope for the country after all if even really conservative people are that upset with him.

So, not a very exciting story but since I mentioned it on Friday I wanted to followup. I did decide that it wasn't really an issue with my not liking or trusting these women or even not having anything in common with them. I can pretty much talk about anything so finding some common ground wouldn't have been impossible. What I couldn't do and wouldn't even if I could is change who I am. I may work as Bill's nurse and clearly am not on their socio-economic level but I'm not going to be treated as someone beneath them because of it.

Smiles. Sorry this entry is boring. I'll try to post something more exciting tomorrow.

Ten Random Things

My friend Richard tagged me for one of those blog meme thingies. Actually he did it several days ago but I haven't been able to think of 10 random things I haven't already shared :) (Tells me I talk online far too much about myself.) He reminded me that they didn't have to be totally unknown facts so here goes.

1. My eyes are hazel, but they're two different colors. One is more green, the other more brown.

2. I used to be really gullible. Once when I was about 18 or 19, my brother came to pick me up from a party and told me when I got into the car that he had bad news. California had been hit by an earthquake and had almost completely fallen off into the ocean. I believed him. He thought it was greatly funny until I started to cry. A lot.

3. I can cry on command. See above. I do not use this power for evil purposes (cross my heart). I use seduction for evil purposes but that's another story ;)

4. I used to be involved in community theater and performed as the lead in a couple of plays.

5. I have such a vivid imagination that when I was a very little kid my mom could never punish me by putting me in the corner because I just sat there and had imaginary tea parties with my "friends".

6. Sexy it up you say? Ok... my favorite sexual position is being on top but that's followed closely by receiving from behind.

7. Since I'm somewhat generously proportioned I can tease my left nipple with my tongue. For some reason, I can't the right but I use my fingers on the right so it doesn't feel left out ;) Since I can orgasm just from nipple stimulation it's a great tease for him. He loves to watch, especially when he's tied and can't touch me.

8. What, you're reading this at work and I've gone and made you flush?? Ok, back to the benign then. I used to volunteer for "reading for the blind" back when audio books were not such a commonplace occurrence. I still like reading aloud even now and in fact read all four of Dan Brown's books aloud to Bill (that's true nursely love for a patient because reading aloud Deception Point was a real killer. I believe Dan must have included every single piece of research he found when he wrote that book ;) Ah well, I forgive him since it was either his first or second work. He's definitely gotten better as he's gone along.)

9. My favorite actor is Antonio Banderas. Not because he is such a sizzling hot man with a great accent (ok, that helps), but because once I saw him on Inside the Actors Studio talking about Melanie and how much he loves her - you could tell he absolutely worships her. Any man that loves his Lady that much is special.

10. My favorite tv shows are Lost and Boston Legal. I love discussing different theories about Lost, the characters, etc. The show was a little slow in season two but I don't believe anyone can call it that this season. It's great. Boston Legal is probably the funniest show on tv right now, but primarily during the "Denny Crane" (William Shatner) scenes. I never liked Shatner before (please Trekkies don't kill me but I didn't), but he is absolutely hilarious on this show. James Spader is pretty great too. His summations at the end of every trial are usually direct political statements and I always have hopes that they'll stir up some of the apathetic people in this country.

Now... I tag Sue, Nigel, Jackson, and Duncan. (I'd like to tag some of my other friends but they don't have blogs - hint, hint.)

Read Richard's list

Hypnosis and Pain Control

Yesterday someone in my YahooGroup asked if hypnosis could help with pain control and if the relief could be instantaneous. My answer is an emphatic "yes".

As many of my readers know, I am a live-in nurse for a man who has cancer. We use hypnosis for dealing with the anticipatory nausea people get with chemo and for pain related to side effects from his medication. For him, it doesn't happen "instantly" and because we're talking about chemicals (poisons in a sense) in his body, it doesn't always eliminate the nausea after chemo. At one time for 2-3 days prior to chemo he would start getting sick just thinking about what was going to happen. We've totally eliminated that thanks to hypnotic suggestion. We've also managed to reduce the after chemo nausea but haven't totally eliminated it. Even though he still gets sick we both agree that it doesn't seem nearly as bad as it did prior to the onset of his hypnosis sessions.

Bill has a physical trigger where either he or I rub the back of his hand and he begins to go to a very relaxed place... a very comfortable place.. a very suggestible place. I then use a lot of guided imagery (imagining the pain or nausea leaving his body, imagining it being absorbed like a sponge and him seeing himself throwing the sponge away, etc). You use what works for the person as some people find imagining specific things easier than others. We also use a "dial" that he can see and turn down the pain and the nausea. For kids with cancer, it's common to use "pac-men" inside their bodies eating up the cancer cells.

I would definitely recommend using caution when thinking of taking away pain through the use of hypnosis because pain is a warning sign from the body (usually) that something is wrong. For example, pain in a sprained ankle is there to keep us off of it so we don't injure it more. (Once the person has enough sense to stay off it, I use hypnosis to minimize the pain and often give the suggestion that any "unnecessary pain" will slip away.) Frequent headache pain could be a symptom of high blood pressure, malignancy, etc. I use hypnosis for pain control for the rare headache without asking a Dr. but for anything that someone would normally seek medical advice the person should always do so. After being diagnosed then you know when it's safe to take away the pain.

There's a particular imagery suggestion that I've heard used quite often. It's called the "Glove of Analgesia" (analgesia means the absence of pain). The suggestion is given that the subject can use this glove on the area of pain and that the pain will numb or fade away thanks to the wonderfully soothing glove of analgesia. "You may keep this glove with you in your mind and when the pain returns or increases, you may place it on the source of your pain once again - feeling that wonderfully soothing release of pain once more..." (Again all precautions about use should apply when using suggestions such as these.)

Ask Lady Julia

Today in my YahooGroup, Guy posed the following:

"There is a program on TV called "Inside the Actor's Studio" on which host James Lipton interviews a different actor or director every week. He always ends each interview with a questionnaire invented by Bernard Pivot. I have always found this a fascinating set of questions. It goes something like this:

1. What is your favourite sound?
2. What is your least favourite sound?
3. What is your favourite word?
4. What is your least favourite word?
5. What turns you on?
6. What turns you off?
7. What job, other than your current one, would you like to try?
8. What job would you definitely NOT want to try?
9. What is your favorite curse word?
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you walk through the Pearly Gates?"

My responses are below. Feel free to add yours in the comments section or on your own blog.

1. What is your favourite sound? - the sounds of lovemaking. The sound of my submissive begging is a close second.

2. What is your least favourite sound? - someone crying

3. What is your favourite word? - yes Mistress (yes I know that's two words but they are after all my favorite two ;)

4. What is your least favourite word? no ;) (actually it's any type of racial slur)

5. What turns you on? tons of things but the thing that turns me on the most is someone with an intelligent mind who isn't afraid to speak up respectfully with what they think. A close second is my man on his knees before me. A close third is seeing him in a pair of tight jeans, a white button-up shirt, and a tie (love slowly unwrapping him like a gift when he is dressed that way... unbuttoning each button slowly to reveal new flesh to tease, kiss, or suck.. using his tie to bind his hands just enough to remind him that he touches me only when I permit...)

6. What turns you off? meanness. There's no reason for people to be hurtful to one another. Audrey Hepburn once said, "what the world needs is a return to sweetness and decency". I completely agree.

7. What job, other than your current one, would you like to try? a teacher. I think that is one of the top five most important jobs in the world.

8. What job would you definitely NOT want to try? a sanitation worker. I cannot stand getting my hands dirty really dirty so I use gloves when I do things like gardening, cleaning, etc.

9. What is your favorite curse word? I try not to curse but I suppose when I most often use is sh*t

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you walk through the Pearly Gates? Welcome home. The chocolate is over here ;)

Submissive Needs

Recently in my group someone mentioned that he was concerned about putting his needs first and that by doing so, this was making him a "bad submissive".

I think that there's a very unhealthy theory running through some of the D/s community that says that the relationship has to be all about the Dom/me and that the submissive isn't a "good submissive" if he/sh is concerned about their own needs.

If you're a submissive, being concerned about your needs is healthy. We all have emotional, physical, and cognitive needs and to deny them is to put ourselves at
least to some degree of risk. In my idea of a healthy D/s relationship the submissive is trusting the dominant to take control of some* (or all) of his/her needs and to decide how and when these needs are met. It doesn't mean these needs are not important or that they should be completely ignored in favor of the Dom/me's needs. The dominant is also in control of how the submissive meets the dominant's needs. He/she is responsible for maintaining the balance required in order to insure that both are healthy and happy.

Continual total selflessness may sound great in fantasy but I would question how healthy any individual would be upon attempting to put this in practice. I'd also question how long total selflessness could be sustained.

(*When I say some of their needs, keep in mind that not everyone chooses to surrender total control of every need nor does every Domme wish to have that much control. This doesn't make their relationship more or less "real" - it's simply their choice of what works to make them both happy.)

Cocktails

This weekend Bill and I have been invited to a very chic cocktail party. Well, to be more accurate - Bill was invited. His male friends accept me as Bill's friend and equal and they treat me wonderfully. Many of their wives on the other hand seem to relish treating me as the servant. When the hostess phoned to invite him he responded that of course we would love to attend. After a few moments he set down the phone, laughing as he did. "You should have heard the dead silence when I informed her that 'we' would be there. For someone who can so easily wrap men around her little finger you certainly do have quite the number of women who are not as impressed".

I haven't ever really understood this. I can see his single female acquaintances feeling that way, after all many of them have an interest in being the next Mrs Bill and I'm sure they see that he and I are very close - far closer than an employer/employee. But... I cannot understand why some of the married women are just barely less than hostile towards me. I am polite, sweet (ok maybe I'm a bit opinionated when it comes to political discussions but not nearly as opinionated as most of their husbands.)

This isn't really a new phenomenon. I've always had very very few female friends and tons of male friends. I always attributed it to the fact that I trust men more than I do woman but I realized recently it's that I trust my ability to read men more than I do my ability to read women. I can almost always tell what a man is thinking and what he's after but women are harder to read - much harder. I feel sorry for you fellas, really, because I think it's somewhat true when you say you can never figure out what some women want ;)

At any rate, this weekend I'm determined to go to this party and focus on charming a few of these women. How hard can it be if I really try? (grins - famous last words, huh? I'll let you know what happens. If nothing else maybe their husbands will save me if they attack ;)

A Little of This and That

Just a few pieces of this and that to pass on...

Thank you to everyone who sent Valentine's wishes. You're all so sweet :) It's wonderful to have such delightfully caring friends.

For those of you who entered my story contest, I'll announce the winner this weekend. I'll also be posting the contest entries on my website. I haven't read all the entries yet, but I've been impressed with what I've read thus far. It always touches me when someone makes the effort to create something just for me.

What else... oh, this week I added a new toy to my collection - this silver "finger" vibrator (why in the world someone would name a 6" vibrator "finger" I'm not sure but it's great). I mailed it to him without any explanation and I'm sure until I explained he must have wondered if I was about to expand into some serious anal play ;) I actually ordered it to use on his cock and balls during those times when I want to heighten the tease and denial sensations. Imagine how difficult it must be to hold back when this is added to the tease mix - especially used following just a slight bit of pain administered by my cock whip and nipple clamps. Top all this off with a wee bit of sensory deprivation from the sleep mask.. yum. Such delicious torture to feel such intense sensations and wonder whether or not you'll be allowed to come.

Someone asked where I purchase my toys. Usually I don't do any type of commercial endorsement but I will this once and share that I buy almost everything from Kitten's Toy Room. All items are discreetly shipped, packaged nicely, extremely well made, and often visually elegant. They're a bit more expensive than some of the other online stores but definitely worth the bit extra they charge.

Hmm... there were other things I was going to tell you about but I'm all distracted now... ;) I'll write more later.

Maintaining Perspective

Yesterday I mentioned that I'd informed Rook that I didn't think we should exchange gifts for Valentine's Day. After a few moments yesterday morning of "oh I wish I hadn't said that" it wasn't a big deal - until last night.

I called and we talked for a few minutes and then I whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day". He responded with the expected words and then immediately launched into a spiel about how stressed he was because of work. For a just a few moments it was as if my emotions were at war. I wasn't sure whether to be angry, disappointed, or sad. I suppose I was a little of all three. Where was the romantic speak? The appreciation for the wonderful woman in his life? Damn it - it's Valentine's Day - do I have to tell him to be romantic???

As he continued to speak, all the things he was worried about - work, some personal issues, and so on - all just came pouring out. I listened and offered what support I could and as I did all my anger, disappointment, and sadness dissipated. He was so stressed that I could have cut the tension with a knife. When I recognized this I realized his need was far more important to me than some silly holiday. After all he shows me all the time that he loves me and thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive. I don't have to always be the center of attention, not even on the days that commercialism infers that I should be.

On some other blogs and in comments from members in my group I often read that some hold the idea that a submissive should not be worried about his needs, how he should only focus on his Mistress and should always put her needs first. While that may sound great to some as a fantasy, things are just not really like that. At least... in my opinion it shouldn't be that way if the two are in a loving relationship. Sometimes I have to put his needs first if his needs are weightier than mine.

Being in control is great, but it carries a lot of responsibility. I can't be so demanding and taking that I disregard what he needs emotionally and physically. He's mine, I love him, and his happiness is important to me. I don't see how we could have a healthy, happy relationship if I felt any other way.

Valentine's Day

Every night Rook and I dress (smiles or sometimes undress) for bed, slip under the covers, and talk on the phone for an hour or two - sometimes more. A long distance relationship is tough, but this is one of the ways we are able to stay so close. We discuss everything under the sun. (Honey I'm still lost on that string theory discussion but you're so sexy especially when you're talking about brainy things that I couldn't concentrate on what you're saying... it's not that I can't grasp that concept - really! ;)

About a week ago during one of our chats I breezily announced that I thought we need not exchange Valentine's gifts. "Valentine's Day is a silly commercial holiday and it's ridiculous to spend money on contrived romance and we are both too busy to make anything this year. We send things to each other all the time for no reason other than we want to so why do it on a silly holiday." Reluctantly he agreed. (I know in his mind he was hearing, Warning! Warning! Danger! Danger Will Robinson!)

Today is Valentine's Day and yes, you guessed it - I'm sitting here feeling a little sad. I know it's silly to be sad about something like this when there's so much horror and sickness in the world but allow me two seconds to be totally self-indulgent. I promise I'll move past it after that ;) It's not about the gift, it's about the romantic gesture. I miss that we didn't make those gestures today because we've done them every year since we've been together. I can't remember what I did for our first Valentine's Day, but I remember that he made a mixed song CD for me and gave me a copy of Cyrano de Bergerac. I loved that he took the time and effort to make something for me.

I don't really have a need to come here and whine about my decision. I know that when we talk later that we will share a special time. I just thought I'd offer a word of caution to all you fellas out there. When we say "oh no, don't do anything for Valentine's Day, our birthday, etc", we probably mean it at the time, but when the day arrives, we're likely to regret that choice :) Make your lady happy and do something special and romantic for her anyway. Perhaps something small but still something that shows her you believe she's worthy of the romantic effort.

Hypnosis and the Married Submissive

A few weeks back I received an email from a gentleman who asked,

"I am curious as to why hearing your voice and the words good boy has such a powerful near overwhelming effect on me. I almost achieved release just listening. It is truly amazing. Is this something that I can incorporate into my marriage? Is there any information for incorporating this into a Loving Female Authority relationship ?"

I think these feelings happen for a couple of reasons. You're submissive and these words feed your nature. You want to please. You want to obey. You want to be a good boy. In addition to this, the hypnosis MP3s contain suggestions that you will find pleasure in obeying, pleasing, and being a good boy. It's a conditioning process in which those desires and associations are enhanced or heightened.

As for incorportating the use of these MP3s and their suggestions into a LFA relationship, yes, it's possible. I frequently receive email from very loving and otherwise happy men who have a desire to occasionally experience at least some level of erotic, hypnotic submission. For whatever reason, whether it is a lack of training in hypnosis or a lack of desire on behalf of the wife to do so, they are unable to experience this directly with their wives. The MP3s I've made are designed to the best of my ability to allow them (and single fellas as well) to experience erotic FemDom hypnosis in a safe manner without "tying" them to me in any way as their "Mistress". I'm very candid that I'm not interested in the slightest in dominating any of them "except for the time of the trance" and they, for the most part, accept this. Many of my MP3s focus on the relationship between the submissive and his Mistress. I sever any communication with those who cannot accept my terms. Some tell their wives they listen, other don't. Whatever they choose to do is up to them in that regard, but I always like it when they are able to be candid about what they're doing.

A few days later I received an email from N who remarked,

" i have not thought about the hypnosis in almost 15 years. i never even thought that it could improve my submission to my Wife. i can't believe i never made the connection. i feel very indebted to You.

i had a day off from work the other day and i listened to Red Silk over and over for about 4 hours. i feel about as good as i have in a long while. i had forgotten how refreshed i felt after being under.

i also have to admit that my Wife remarked today on a marked improvement in my service to her."

After receiving his email, I forwarded the links to a few more MP3s that were a bit more FemDom in a nature. He soon replied,

"Thank You so much for providing this link. i called my Wife to let her know that i was downloading them. i was told that i wasn't allowed to listen to them until i repay Your selfless act with one of my own.

Grin, because i am so eager to listen to the MP3s, i am stopping off at a food bank on the way home from work to volunteer for a few hours in Your honor. i will keep my mind focus both on my gratitude to You as well as my hope that no one in the world goes hungry."

I think it's great to see a confident Lady who is willing to use to her advantage her husband's desire for hypnosis and that it has helped him to grow a bit in his submission to her.

Another remarked,

"i so totally appreciate what Your MP3s have done for me. They really have helped me focus even more on serving my Wife. They have served to enforce the pleasure that i receive by serving Her. Strangely, they have also increased my pain tolerance.

my Wife has a sense of humor and during a longish bondage session She had Surrender playing in the background. During one of the inductions when You suggested finding a comfortable position and you go through relaxing each part of my body, at first i almost laughed out loud as i crossed off each part of my body that i could not make comfortable. But i could imagine them being comfortable, and as the MP3 continued, i found that i was definitely under and i was able to maintain the bondage much better than usual.

i have just noticed a real adrenalin increase every time i find the opportunity to
please my Wife. You might not be surprised to know that "it feels so good to surrender . . . it feels so good to obey, so good to please . . ."

Last night my Wife told me it was time for Her nightly foot massage. She looked at me and said, "That sounds so exciting, doesn't it? That's right, of course it does." She really had Your voice and that little chuckle You do down. We both laughed, but in truth, my heart did jump an extra beat, and i WAS so very excited about having the opportunity to obey - even more than before.

i listen to the MP3's every night before i go to sleep. They are just fantastic.
We both thank You so very much."

Certainly I'm not saying that my hypnosis MP3s can or even should be used by every couple, but for those who have an interest, I thought you might find that these comments offer some insight as to how they might be used.

If there are others reading this who have had experiences incorporating FemDom Hypnosis MP3s into their relationship, please feel free to add your comments/stories as well.

(PS. Thank you to those who shared this emails. They are republished with permission. My apologies that it has taken me a few weeks to finish this and get it posted.)