Ramblings

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It's been a weird couple of days. I feel sort of spacey and quite a bit grouchy. Because of this I have been loathe to do anything that involves much interaction with people. I've ignored the majority of my emails for the past couple of days because I was afraid I'd bite the head off some poor unsuspecting person. It's one thing to be bitchy to someone who wants and expects it, but it's quite another to do it to an innocent party.

That said, I did want to take a moment to respond to a recently submitted comment. In response to my post "Romancing the Lady - Gifts", Mativa remarked:

It is pathetic that you have to tell men not to be f-ing selfish but you do. Most "submissive" men only "submit" to get their kink thrills. Those men who are trying to make their wives Domme them are the worst of all. Doesn't matter she's not comfortable doing it or that she doesn't want to. Makes me sick.

I'd have to say that most of the submissive men I know are simply trying to find their way. It's true that sometimes their way isn't mine, but then again my way is probably not your way. You're right, some are selfish and interested only in having their kink experiences, but that doesn't mean most are that way. Consider the sort of "Domme" figures these men are accustomed to. Usually they're movie/TV dominatrices or online fantasizers/players, both categories of people who cater to male fantasies. Most have little opportunity to interact with a Domme who actually has any real experience in a power exchange relationship. Instead of lumping these men together in one scornfully dismissed blob, I find it more productive to educate them on my point of view and to encourage them to consider the viewpoints of others (Dom/me and submissive) who have lived this.

I will agree that it disturbs me to see men who constantly persist in pushing their wives to dominate them. I understand they have an overwhelming desire to experience the control of the woman they love, but it's a very risky thing to push someone to do something like this. More often than not a woman who is pushed into a corner will either come out fighting or will wither away. Either way the relationship is damaged. If one is determined to introduce female dominance and male submission into a relationship it would seem prudent to proceed slowly and be cognizant of her desires and her ability to take on that role. Some women are just not cut out to dominate. Period. For those who have some affinity for leadership, I would think the "softly, softly, catchee monkey" approach would be the best.