From the Comments Section - The "Weak" Domme
Lately I've been simply deleting those post comments that are clearly meant to be rude. I could site a variety of reasons for doing so, but essentially they just got old. In spite of this, I do want to say that I continue to have the desire to encourage open discourse. I enjoy reading the comments of those who agree with me, but I also welcome dissenting point of views as long as they aren't patently rude. I believe this is how intelligent people interact.
Today "Dick" offered a dissenting but not really rude comment in response to my post "Home Again and Other Things". Since this is unusual for "Dick" I thought I'd respond. He remarked,
Some people feel Dommes should never show any weakness to their submissives. You obviously need a strong man. Does this need diminish your relationship? How can you be in control of him when you aren't around him or talking to him?
I thought I would post my reply here because his view about Dommes' revealing their weaknesses to their submissives seems to be shared by a number of other men.
First, let me clarify: I don't need a man. I can survive without a partner and did so for several years. Yes sometimes I lean on him for comfort or reassurance when life gets a bit overwhelming, but it's because I choose to. I can. If he wasn't there for me I wouldn't fall apart. I consider being able to share the difficult things in life a perk of being in a loving relationship. This has not ever diminished my control over him nor his respect for me. He's grounded and reasonable.
Your second question puzzles me. He's not a two year old child. He's an intelligent, mature man. Even in the strictest D/s relationships the Domme is not standing over the submissive 24/7 telling him what to do. That's where training comes in. I've trained him to know what I want in many instances and in those areas where he is unsure, he strives.
I really do not understand those of you who purport that a Domme is essentially perfect. She's a perfect size 6, is always eager to cane you, slap your face, and spill her golden nectar into your mouth no matter what is happening in her life. She never shows she's afraid or emotional. She never makes mistakes (at least if she does, she doesn't acknowledge them). When I read about such expectations I often wonder if men who allege that Dommes are this sort of "perfect" have ever had even a nodding acquaintance with a real woman, Domme or not.
Dommes are not perfect. We're people just like everyone. If I chose to I suppose I could project this fake persona of perfection when with my submissive and then find my occasional need for support from someone else, but why would I choose to do so? He's my partner. Supporting each other is what partners do.
Except, of course, in cheesy femdom fiction.
Labels: D/s, Relationships
posted by Lady Julia @ 4:43 PM
5 Comments
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5 Comments:
It never would have occured to me to even ask a question like Dick's. To me, the dominant partner in a relationship is the one with the final voice on issues. That has nothing to do with how perfect people are or whether sometimes they want or need help.
Also, Dick can't be a Luddite, as he's using a computer. Has he forgotten that other people can use modern technology to communicate? Phone, email, voice chat, smoke signals, telepathy, clairvoyance.... These were all invented to help a Domme communicate with her subs.
Okay, I'm not so sure about the last three, but they're fun to think about.
i think it's the same within a male-led D/s or M/s relationship. Depending on the man, if He needs to lean, He should be able to count on his submissive/slave to be a support for him. That is, in a loving D or M/s relationship. Maybe that man who comments doesn't have a clue what that is, which is truly sad... and hi again :)
If I chose to I suppose I could project this fake persona of perfection when with my submissive and then find my occasional need for support from someone else, but why would I choose to do so? He's my partner. Supporting each other is what partners do.
Except, of course, in cheesy femdom fiction.
This is the entire point in one paragraph. The Dicks of the world are hung up on some kind of fantasy - which is certainly fine for them. If they can find or develop a relationship with those qualities that they seek, more power to them. It's the adherence to the foolish consistencies of their fantasies that marks them, though, as players doomed to dissatisfaction when one partner after another fails to deliver.
Actually, that may not even be the case; I can think of one Dick who seems to believe that the demise of his own idealized femdom relationship was due to the imperfect wiring of his (now former) partner. How sad.
I have made a point of telling newbies to the chastity and OD groups to which I belong that while it's fun to read the stories from the other board members, that they should in no way consider any of them (including me*) to be the definitive authority on how it should be practiced. People sometimes need reminding that the root of "relationship" is "relate".
* As long as they concede that my opinions are simply better than those of everyone else.
This is the kind of idea that dom women should be robodoms - there to service the man's kink for being dominated and not spoil it by, you know, being a damn human being.
My opinion (you know I have one): Men have been defining what F/m relationships *ought* *to* *be* for too long. They need to shut up and let us do that. And to shut them up? Duct tape. *Red* duct tape, right J?
And to shut them up? Duct tape.
*Tom makes note to shave facial hair if ever sceneing with BJ*
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