Verbal Assertions of Control
I was thinking about something that Her Buddy wrote earlier today on his blog:
I asked her if I did good this weekend. She said she must not give me enough praise. I said that is not it, just for some reason, I like to hear her acknowledge what I have done. Just a reminder from her verbally goes a long way. She doesn't quite understand that yet. Not that I was a "good little boy" but that she appreciated that I tried to make sure she was in charge and that I was obedient to her wishes.
Everyone needs a bit of praise from time to time, but it took me a while in the beginning to realize just how much more intensely words of encouragement and appreciation mean to many submissive fellas. Even more than that, I think, is how much hearing the assertion of my control means.
"I really love controlling you in this way."
"It excites me so much when you ____ simply because I asked you to do it/required it of you", etc.
"I control you.. whenever and however I wish."
"It's so easy to have you do ____ because you're mine - mine to control in any way I see fit."
"You'll enjoy doing this for me, won't you? Because all the time you're doing it, you'll be feeling my control and you'll know that you're pleasing me.. yes, and pleasing me feels so very good."
For many these types of verbal assertions of control really seem to excite, motivate, and strengthen the bond between the Dom/me and the submissive.
Rook's particular hot button is for me to remind him that I saw him, decided I wanted him, and was able with almost no effort to seduce him into being mine to control. He loves knowing I took him - a man who did not identify himself with being submissive at all - and guided him to a place where he will now do anything I ask.*
For many utilizing verbal assertions of control won't be a natural thing. It wasn't for me, but the more I use them and take note of the responses they elicit, the more it has become a natural part of the way I communicate.
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P.S. I think some of you would enjoy Her Buddy's blog. He seems so open and real with what he shares.
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* Usually I am not impressed with "I'll do anything you ask" statements, but I know his statement comes from a deep level of trust and knowledge of me as his partner. He knows I'd never ask him to do anything that would hurt him or anyone else so he feels safe in offering his willingness to do the things I ask.
Labels: Blogs and Blogging, Psychological Aspects of Dominance
posted by Lady Julia @ 2:46 PM
4 Comments
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4 Comments:
Great blog. I am a frequent reader but normally lurk. This was an entry that I could not let pass without comment.
I think there is a button in the minds of both male and female submissives that is pushed every time words like these are spoken. I do not use any form of physical punishment with my girl because I have learned she responds much stronger to words. As you often say "words are very powerful".
On a different note I was thinking about the differences between the way some males dominate and the way some females dominate. I've read about men claiming to drink women's "golden nectar" and licking her odiferous armpits. I cannot imagine a male Dom asking something like this of a female submissive nor can I imagine a female Domme asking something like this of a male submissive as something that turns her on. It sounds more like something that occurs in fantasies but should it genuinely occur among Femdom couples then I believe it is most certainly an action that is performed because of the desire of the male submissive. Do you think that males drive what happens between D/s couples no matter if they are Dom or submissive?
Do you think that males drive what happens between D/s couples no matter if they are Dom or submissive?
Daniel, I think this is not true. I do think, however, that the standard image of Femdom in most pornography is certainly not a scenario in which the female is in power. That's why I'm not a fan of most Femdom porn.
In reality, however, I am sure that there are submissive men who perform such "degrading" acts like drinking a Female dominants "golden nectar" because the female dominant wants them too. In fact, I know several of these people myself. Personally, while I'm not that into water sports or degradation, the idea is genuinely arousing but the key point to be made is that it is only something I'd like to do if it is the dominant who desires it to be done. Otherwise I could take it or leave it.
The point I'm trying to make is that submissiveness is not something I think is gendered. There are certainly activities that are more likely or more desired to occur because of a submissive's gender, but the submissive emotions themselves are not changed or dependant upon the sex of the submissive having those emotions.
Excellent piece.
I disagree with Daniel that male Doms and female Dommes wouldn't ask some of the things he mentioned. Name the kink and you'll find people of both genders who are turned on by the activity.
I do agree that it seems in most contexts the male drives the interaction whether Dom or sub. Most male submissives are so driven by their kinks that it takes a very strong woman not to find herself being toppped from the bottom.
Dearest Lady of the Blog,
firstly, i love the top pic with tvh's poem.
With its title "Silhouette" it seems a good opener, fitting well into
the basic make-up of this tasteful page.
Finally i halted here.
Your conception of verbal assertion of control, echoes considerably!
No chance of resistance for us males, priceless!
By drawing the male irresistibly into Your wake, magick happens.
Firmly closed into this strong, yet unvisible net, possibilities are
infinite!
Held close to the Hypnotrix, we males are fortunate to close up,
without ever to control.
Furnished accessible for service on Domme level, Win/Win.
(moist eyes, big smile)
I hope, that many Women find to this location.
Learn from You to lift Sex from vulgarity into Sacredness.
Into the HolyDay of Pussy Pride!
juergen.
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