Empowering Your Lady To Lead

If you're a man who is desirous of empowering your partner to lead but are not certain how to broach the subject, then pop over to Mrs. Claudia's blog and read her very well written article, "How to Approach Your Wife About D/s".

As she states, this information is strictly her opinion. There's no perfect way to introduce this subject to a spouse. Her article is designed to offer you insight into what worked (and didn't work) for she and her husband. I thought she did a wonderful job, but like her, I'm not an expert in introducing D/s to a spouse. Certainly what she said rang home with me.

We were discussing this subject in my Yahoo Group this week and I tossed out a few things to consider when in this situation. Again, just my thoughts.

• Being thoughtful and less selfish is the best way to start. Everyone wants to feel special. For many women, attention and thoughtful actions and comments is one very good way to help them feel special. Once a woman feels special to her man, then she is more inclined to be open to leading or dominating.
• She needs to feel sexy. Maybe not to the whole world, but to her man she is hot hot hot. The sexier she feels, the sexier she'll behave.
• She needs to feel as if *she* is what is most important, not the sex or your kink. Sex and kink are good but they can't be more important than your lady.
• It's about her, not about the toys. If she's sexy "when she uses x", it's not her that's sexy - it's the toy. The toys are the icing on an already perfectly delicious cake.
• She needs to feel it is ok not do this perfectly. (Especially for someone new to this).
• She needs to trust that you will tell her what you feel about what's happening as you each begin to explore.
• She needs to know you think it's perfectly natural for a woman to lead. Women do lead all the time in relationships - we all know it, however women are often taught not to be overt about it. She needs to know being overt with her control is ok.
• She needs to know you don't expect her to take control 100 percent of the time. If she wants to, great, but taking control is a big responsibility and in spite of what many say, it can be a lot of work. She needs to know you'll be ok with what level of control you receive until (and only if) she wants to take more control. The fastest way to make a woman say "no way" to dominating is to push her.

Obviously there's no one set of things that will work for every woman, so if you're considering broaching this subject with your partner, use common sense and use what you already know about her.