Maintaining Perspective

Yesterday I mentioned that I'd informed Rook that I didn't think we should exchange gifts for Valentine's Day. After a few moments yesterday morning of "oh I wish I hadn't said that" it wasn't a big deal - until last night.

I called and we talked for a few minutes and then I whispered, "Happy Valentine's Day". He responded with the expected words and then immediately launched into a spiel about how stressed he was because of work. For a just a few moments it was as if my emotions were at war. I wasn't sure whether to be angry, disappointed, or sad. I suppose I was a little of all three. Where was the romantic speak? The appreciation for the wonderful woman in his life? Damn it - it's Valentine's Day - do I have to tell him to be romantic???

As he continued to speak, all the things he was worried about - work, some personal issues, and so on - all just came pouring out. I listened and offered what support I could and as I did all my anger, disappointment, and sadness dissipated. He was so stressed that I could have cut the tension with a knife. When I recognized this I realized his need was far more important to me than some silly holiday. After all he shows me all the time that he loves me and thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive. I don't have to always be the center of attention, not even on the days that commercialism infers that I should be.

On some other blogs and in comments from members in my group I often read that some hold the idea that a submissive should not be worried about his needs, how he should only focus on his Mistress and should always put her needs first. While that may sound great to some as a fantasy, things are just not really like that. At least... in my opinion it shouldn't be that way if the two are in a loving relationship. Sometimes I have to put his needs first if his needs are weightier than mine.

Being in control is great, but it carries a lot of responsibility. I can't be so demanding and taking that I disregard what he needs emotionally and physically. He's mine, I love him, and his happiness is important to me. I don't see how we could have a healthy, happy relationship if I felt any other way.