It's Not About the Toys
In response to yesterday's "Memory Lane" post, dick remarked that chocolate syrup and scarves were very vanilla things to use during sex, adding "Doesn't every couple play around with chocolate syrup and scarves?" My first thought in response to his comment was simply "so?... and?" followed closely by "I certainly hope so. It's too much fun to pass up."
Thanks to the members of the "Church of the One True Way" (COTW) there are a number of people who won't even begin to consider a power exchange relationship because they think they can't "do" all the things required to have one. I find this sad because dominance and submission isn't about the toys, the clothes, or the tone of voice. It's about what is happening in the mind of the submissive and the dominant when they interact. If I want X to happen when I am with him or if I want for him to do X and these things occur because it is what I want then it's an exchange of power. All the other stuff is window dressing. For some it's very fun window dressing, but it's window dressing nonetheless.
And what's wrong with a little vanilla or mildly kinky fun? Except for the COTW, who cares? Life's short and often difficult. Gather ye rosebuds while ye may and screw the labels.
posted by Lady Julia @ 8:59 PM
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9 Comments:
i like you and Mr Rook just the way you are!
This is sadly too often overlooked and very, very important. And it's not just coming from kinky people, but vanilla people too, and then even from gay people and poly people and, damn, it's just all over the place. For a cummunity that prides itself on tolerance and diversity, there's an awful lot of shunning going on. I've always found this to be rather bizarre and unfortunate.
I like to think of myself as pretty damn kinky. I've got a reputation for being an "extreme" player because of the signal whip lashings I like to take and the piercing scenes I enjoy doing (even though I'm scared of them, which is half the fun). But I'd feel totally unsatisfied if I didn't get a good amount of "fun, kinky, chocolate-syrup play" every so often.
Anyway, that's kind of my long-winded way of saying "Amen" to your post. :)
Dearest Ldy Julia,
Yes Mistress, just following You, as You say, no for what You wear or . . . just for what You want or need, for Your happiness that is mine. The best is the feeling of safe and warm that is be sleeping to Lady Julia, to be obedient and good boy to You Lady Julia.
with love,
servant john.
At this point I'm really just trying to keep up. So chocolate is the new vanilla?
because of the signal whip lashings I like to take and the piercing scenes I enjoy
maymay, you spelled "piercing screams" wrong.
I dont' see you for six months, and now I run into you twice in one day.
Only if it is "mint tinted" Goddess Susan.
Tom, I'm pretty sure I spelled "piercing scenes" accurately. Screams are a subcategory. ;)
It's good to see you too.
It doesn't help that nearly all the online source for non-vanilla relationships go to an extreme. The perception is that a female-led relationship means whips and chains. It's too bad so many people jump to conclusions and can't let things stay simple.
KGP I agree it is difficult to find resources like that. Of course there is absolutely nothing wrong with "extreme" but it is helpful to find sites that are somewhere in between vanilla and extreme for those who find that more to their taste. I really miss Candace's blog for that reason.
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