Sunday, July 30, 2006

A New Poll

Posted by Lady Julia :: 8:08 PM :: 3 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Female Supremacy

I've been thinking a bit lately about the issue of female supremacy. I know that some in the D/s lifestyle embrace the concept that women are the superior sex but this isn't an ideology that I can accept. I'm not superior in any way to my fella nor is he to me. We each have our strengths and our weaknesses. He's an intelligent, articulate, educated professional who is more than able to take care of himself. He doesn't need me, he wants me. He doesn't have to kneel, he chooses to kneel. If I thought he was inferior to me, I'm certain I wouldn't have been attracted to him in any way. I truly enjoyed the challenge of making him mine.

If I am superior in any way, it would be because the gift of his submission elevates me to a higher place. (Smiles - sappy sounding, but I believe it's true.)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 6:38 PM :: 11 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Falling Forever

Falling forever

falling

without ever knowing

how it will end.

I am in a place

without sight

surrounded by the breath

of blind sensual night.

I can smell

the powder of dried rose

on your skin

as my breathing slows.

Sensitivity has grown

beyond any measure.

You control my desperation

to become both pain and pleasure.

I am a promise

and an offering.

For you alone will I become

anyone or anything.

(c) 2006, william the submissive poet

Labels: Poetry, Submissive Poet

Posted by Lady Julia :: 5:39 PM :: 1 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Dear Domme

On most days I receive a lot of email (right now there are 472 unread emails in my inbox that have arrived over the past three or four days). Most of the communications I receive are well written, respectful, and a pleasure to read. There are some individuals, however, who seem to be less than skilled at writing to someone in a respectful manner. I don't think this is an intended rudeness so I try not to get bent out of shape about it. I do think that those who are trying to impress a Domme with their initial contact might wish to take note of a few points.

Consider beginning your email with a salutation. "Dear Lady Whoever." I know some might not do this because they are uncertain how to address the Domme. I think you probably can't go wrong by addressing her by her publicly used name or pseudonym. It's always ok to ask, "how should I address you?"

Keep your initial email brief and to the point. It's a little disconcerting to receive a massively long email from someone I've never heard from before. Later on if she chooses to continue communicating, lengthier communications are probably acceptable.

End your email with a respectful closure. "Sincerely, John D." I really dislike writing back to someone and having no idea how to address them. The writer doesn't have to give his real name, but it's nice to provide at least a pseudonym.

In re-reading this before I press "publish post", I realized that this may sound a little picky. Perhaps it is, but I can't imagine that I'm the only Lady who feels this way :) In the world of electronic communication, your typed words are a representation of you. If you're wishing to impress, it's always a good idea to put your best foot forward.

I wonder if the other Ladies who read this blog feel the same?

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:26 PM :: 4 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Strength and Weakness

In response to my post on The Perfect Domme, Brett commented, "You seem to be rationalizing because YOU are so imperfect. If your sub will submit to a woman like that more power to him. The rest of us want one who isn't weak." I certainly didn't take his remarks to heart and I'm sure my fella would just laugh. He did open the door for me to ask him (and you), how would you define strength and weakness in a Domme or in the wife in a LFA relationship?

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:07 PM :: 6 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- She's Training You

Earlier tonight I was listening to a comedian explain about the training that women do for the men in their lives. He said, "Now fellas, if there's a woman in your life - mother, sister, girlfriend, it doesn't matter - she's training you. She might not be using a cattle prod, but you can bet your life she's training you just the same. One night after we'd been married about five years, we were lying in bed reading and my wife said, 'I'm a little warm.' Straight way *I* put *my* book down, shuffled over to the switch for the ceiling fan, flipped it on and turned to walk back to the bed. About halfway there it hit me. I could just her excited call to her Mama, telling her about how well trained I am and her Mama telling her how proud she is of her. Mama would probably tell her Daddy but he'd be gone to the store because Mama had mentioned she was a little hungry."

Believe there isn't a lot of truth in this? Think about it for a bit... ;)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 9:42 PM :: 3 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Perfect Domme

I've been ill the past few days and haven't been the world's cheeriest person. It's a good thing he knows that he serves me in good times and in bad or he'd probably be gone by now :) I really appreciate that because, unlike the model in the photo, I don't look like I stepped out of a magazine when I'm ill.

Sometimes I have to wonder about people who expect their Domme to be an uber Domme. You know what I mean, "my Domme is always strong, she never needs to seek advice, she always knows what is right, she's shaped like a swimsuit model" blah, blah, blah. I always wonder if these people have ever had a nodding acquaintance with a woman let alone a real relationship ;) In seriousness, I do think they are setting themselves up for a failed relationship should they ever find someone who initially measures up. No one can sustain that level of "perfection" (and in fact, I'd argue if they possess it in the beginning it's only an illusion). Dommes, like everyone else, are imperfect. Of course we, like everyone else, should strive to be the best person we can be.

The bottom line is - on my worst days, I still control him. On my worst days, he still surrenders. That's the crux of a true power exchange.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:29 PM :: 7 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Saturday, July 22, 2006

The sound of small bell, or a wind chime, but there was no wind,
filled the air with a complex mysterious tone that whispered,
then grew into fullness, then faded slowly into invitation.
Silence followed, but not in my mind where the hypnotic tones
continued undiminished, soft and yet powerful, pushing
all thoughts away and pulling me into the focus of the tone.
The more my self dissolved into the moment, an arousal grew
until I only knew sound and arousal. I became pure arousal
with no thought, no analysis, no intellectuality, only need.
In that world of myself, I felt but could not analyze, the control
that filled me, the desire to perfectly please. Then memory came,
or was granted, and I remembered red lips whispering,
words that became more than words, that insinuated themselves
into every part of my essence. There was no release, just an increase
in the level of the intensity until I was no more than a voice
begging to serve, to pleasure, to sacrifice itself completely.
When I had burned red, then blue, violet and finally white
hot into a flame that You fed and tormented without mercy,
I knew that I had been shown heaven and I worshipped You.

(c) 2006, william the submissive poet

Labels: Poetry, Submissive Poet

Posted by Lady Julia :: 5:24 PM :: 3 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Friday, July 21, 2006

Hypnotic Effects on My Life

Dear Lady Julia,

I enjoy reading your blog and your website. You make hypnosis sound sexy and fun. Your ideas about D/s really rock because they aren't too far out and you show that it is important to take care not to hurt the submissive.

I was wondering about something. Do you use hypnosis for more than just fun and if you do does it effect your every day life very much?

Mac


Hypnosis is a very powerful tool that has effected my day to day life in several ways, both physical and emotional.

Pretty much all my life I've had difficulty sleeping (even during those teenage years when you can't pry most kids out of bed). I've been hypnotized by a couple of exceptionally good hypnotists to help with this area and I also now use self-hypnosis to deal with it. While I still don't sleep as much as most people, most nights it works quite well. Really, the only time I don't sleep well are the times I'm too destracted to focus on more relaxing thoughts, I slept too much during the day, or I've not been careful and have imbided in a caffeinated drink in the evening hours.

Knowing how to hypnotize and being successful at it has increased my confidence some in interacting with others (ok, I was already pretty darn confident, but this has still increased it). I am much more aware of the power of words and how they are said. It's fun, for example, when interacting with someone on the phone (like someone from the phone company or the computer company, etc) to see how I can control the conversation by using tonation, inflection and carefully chosen words) :) Last year when my notebook computer was having problems I called on a Monday to report the issue, shipped it out on Tuesday and had it back on Thursday of the same week. I told the tech I was sure he would do everything he could to help expeditite the repair and apparently he did ;)

Hypnosis has been a really nice relationship enhancement tool When I hypnotize my fella it not only increases his feelings of submissiveness to me, it is one way for me to feel that intense level of control over him. In a way, it increases my feelings of dominance as I see how, with just a few words, I can completely control his body. The erotic aspects of hypnosis aren't just for him either. When I hypnotize him I tend to slip down a bit and I experience the scene I am describing almost as well as he seems to. It's a great tool for long distance relationships. Just think of the best phone sex you've ever had and magnify it by about 20 ;)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 7:55 PM :: 5 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hurricane of Stillness

She is a hurricane of stillness
that collects, softens and silences
every thought I have.

She erases my conscious thought
and makes me a medium of white
where She can write at Her leisure.

How can everything be in motion
and not move at all? How can Her words
design my future and I demure?

It is warm in Her storm where
obedience is pleasure and release
submitted to Her control makes me free.

She strokes me with a velvet mental touch
that takes me over the edge
and holds me there begging for more.

Her ecstasy in using me to demonstrate
Her power is a thing of beauty
that consumes all sanity.

Dear Lady, take me at Your whim,
Your pleasure and Your need.
I only want to serve and please.

(c) 2006, william the submissive poet

Labels: Poetry, Submissive Poet

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:30 PM :: 2 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Vanilla Women and Kink

Contrary to what some may believe, men haven't cornered the market on kinky desires. Clearly I can't speak for all women (smiles - well I could, but it wouldn't be accurate), but I remember working in a hospital with a number of other women and at break time my friends and I would often talk about sex and kink. I admit most professed they didn't have quite as kinky of ideas as their partners, but they definitely had some kinky ideas floating around in their heads.

Even as young as 15 or 16 I had a few kinky fantasies. As I matured and became more comfortable with my Dominance and my sexuality, I began to explore some of those interesting concepts ;) Today, I find that my kinky horizons have broadened and I am fond of things that at one time I wouldn't even consider.

Many women do seem to find it difficult to admit that they have a proclivity for that which is a bit more spicy. In many circles, nice women just don't do those things or they're wrong. While I can respect everyone's beliefs, sometimes I think these protestations are only "for public viewing" beliefs - those beliefs one should hold because it's too uncomfortable admitting to the others. For those wishing to introduce kink into their relationships, I think it's important to make certain your partner knows this exploration can be as private as she wishes and that she won't be thought "less of" for agreeing to and even enjoying these activities. And - it's ok if she doesn't agree or enjoy them.

I can still remember one of the things that helped me first evolve into trying bondage before I even really knew what BDSM or D/s were (the only concept I had of this was cruel, whip-wielding Dominatrixes). One night, we were lying in bed after a really great lovemaking session that I had initiated. He knew my confidence level was high, we were happy and relaxed, and we were just talking. He casually mused that this sort of great sex was something he had often dreamed about when we first met and hadn't yet progressed to the point of physical intimacy. Then he asked if I ever dreamed about sex (of course I did) and if I ever dreamed about anything different than what we usually did. Admittedly, I was reluctant at first to answer but he reassured me that nothing I said could shock him or turn him off. "You know guys - we're up for everything", he laughed. Finally I admitted I had thought of trying tying each other up. This probably seems really tame to most of you, but I assure you it was really hard for the conservative woman I was then to admit that. His response? "Well what are we waiting for?" He asked me to choose who was to be tied and that's when I discovered how much I liked tying and teasing him. Who knew? (Well of course, he did - smart fella.)

Obviously as a Domme I hold some fascination with kinky play, but I think a bit of kink can spice up any relationship as long as limits are respected and as long as the fascination with the kink doesn't overshadow the individual in the relationship. To me, when the kink turns you on more than the woman you're with, that's too much focus on the kink. She needs to be the center and the kink just a tool used to enhance the excitement you both feel for one another.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 4:34 PM :: 9 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

nothing expected or implied,
just an innocent, almost naivet'es
willingness to try,
as others try to, what shall I do
to gain your favor in my direction,
would it sway, If per chance
I aim to take your breath away

.:Dan:.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 12:01 AM :: 5 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

More on The R*d Silk Experience

There are several other excellent posts in my group regarding the R*d Silk experience but plz's is the one I wanted to share. In it, he demonstrates how hypnosis can be used quite effectively even if neither in the relationship is a hypnotist. When I wrote the script for this particular MP3, I created it with the intention of establishing a trigger that the listener's Mistress could use with her submissive - one that would form a loop that tied together obedience, pleasing his Mistress, and sexual arousal. (For some of you that's already a given, but for others, this helps with training them to do things that are less "fun".) While this MP3 has become a favorite for many who do not have a Mistress in their life (and that's wonderful), it's especially nice to see that it's also working well with those in a committed relationship.

plzOplz wrote:

Funny, the experience started off with an old red-silk tie I put in my pocket so I could touch it anytime throughout the day. Well, the most powerful thing is that I was aware of this piece of silk in my pocket whether or not I physically reached in and felt it. To a certain degree, I was distracted all throughout the day - my thoughts were drawn back to the thought of the silk tie and the fact I was doing this at the simple request of another. Powerful for me to think someone else I don't even know could compel me to act this way.

Despite a rigorous schedule of meetings, conferences, and decision making, I managed to keep the thoughts of that tie and the excitement of a "mandated" listening that evening close by throughout the day. What should have been a routine day at the office turned into one of anticipation. I felt like a giddy school boy who had a date with the hottest girl in school that night and I couldn't wait for the time to arrive...

Now at home, I had to pack for the ensuing vacation with my wife. My oldest girl is now living in her own apartment and my other two kids (both in college now) were going to spend the holiday weekend with her, so they left us alone for the night. Friday evening alone with my wonderful wife of 27 years! My wife and I are fairly vanilla but she's been letting me explore this hypno stuff a bit. She's definitely a dominant type person in bed although that's about as far as the D/s type stuff seems to extend into our lives. Anyway, she decided to listen to Red Silk earlier and then when I got home, after a nice quiet dinner for two by candelight, she let me listen to Red Silk.

I'm not sure if I was hypnotized or simply aroused and excited by all this anticipation, but let me simply say that what followed between us was worthy of some pre-fourth of July fireworks. I'm not going into any details, because it's not polite to to kiss and tell. What I will say is the red silk tie is no longer useful as a necktie. ;)

Needless to say, we were very late getting our packing for vacation done. No regrets however. That was one helluva sendoff...

All this excitement due to a playful suggestion by a very special Lady! Thanks so much Lady Julia! Truly magnificent. Thank You again!

Posted by Lady Julia :: 11:04 PM :: 4 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

HouseboyTraining

My friend Snick sent a great video clip to me that demonstrates how to fold a shirt (something that isn't always that simple for some people to do). I think it should be required training for houseboys ;) It doesn't matter that you can't understand what the girl in the clip is saying, just watch her hands. (No, it's not kinky - it really is a demonstration clip.)

Sometimes I think having a 24/7 houseboy would be great but in reality, I actually like doing some things around the house. I prefer to have him do those things I hate (like ironing, dishes, and cleaning the bathroom). Aside from some aspects of housework, I love having that personal attention in the form of massage (mmm), manicures, and having my hair brushed.

Since there are no children around, houseboy's uniform is really simple - a chef's apron and nothing else except his collar. When he's working around the house, I want to be able to see and appreciate his fine bottom (in case you haven't figured it out yet, I really have a thing for nice behinds...). Plus, if he's not wearing anything else, I can more easily fondle and tease him ;)

Perhaps my favorite houseboy task is the drawing of a nice, warm bubblebath. Making sure he prepares lit scented candles, a nice glass of wine, and soft music rounds out this chore. Then, while I'm bathing he can kneel naked and talk to me about whatever crosses my mind. Mmm.. so nice.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 6:29 PM :: 6 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- The Reddened Behind

On her blog, Woman Rules Roost, Candace shares her feelings about introducing paddling into her LFA relationship with her husband, Tom. I respect the fact that she is approaching this by asking questions of herself and others before she proceeds. She mentions some of the same concerns I felt when I began to delve into the pain/pleasure arena. How will I know if I've gone too far, how long should I let him moan in pain?

One question haunted me more than any other. How can anyone who loves someone physically hurt them? It took actually experiencing the infliction of pain before I could really grasp this concept. To watch his face as the pain slowly increased, to hear his quickened breathing, and to see his growing erection each time my hand smacked his gorgeous behind.... there was no way I could deny that he was enjoying this. We talked about it each time when we first began delving into that area because I wanted to understand what was going on in his head when it happened and vice versa. For him it was quite a bit about the physical sensation and the release of the endorphins. It also helped to reinforce that I was in control of his body and his mind, something he desparately longed for. For me it was all about that sense of knowing I had yet another way to control him completely during our play time. It wasn't something that appealed to me for frequent use but it was quite erotic when we did.

Adding toys seemed to always bump things up a notch too. We started out using things around the house. I really enjoyed lying next to him, teasingly running my fingertips over his behind and then casually telling him that it was time to go to the kitchen. He knew that meant wooden spoon time and his body would instantly let me know what he thought of that idea. Another fun toy was a tiny whip that is sold as a "penis whip". This was something I enjoyed using when he was bound and helpless. I'd run it along the inside of his thighs until he was squirming and moaning in anticipation and then I'd tease his cock with it. Three or four very gentle taps and he was begging for permission to release. Eventually we progressed to a nice paddle for his behind. Yum that was fun to use as it generates the most delicious sounds - both the smack of the leather as it contacted his flesh and his cries of pain and excitement. Hmm - it's getting warm in here ;) In my current relationship (a long distance one for now), pain is not really something we've broached. We're still busily exploring all the exciting dimensions hypnosis can add to a relationship ;)

In spite of all my enjoyment of inflicting painful pleasure in the past, when considering the use of spanking as a form of discipline for a submissive I admit that I view the issue quite differently than many others in similiar lifestyles. It's difficult for me to fathom that an adult needs a spanking in order to discipline him and teach him to do what I want. Clearly there are people who believe this and I'm not at all saying they are wrong, I just can't understand it or associate it with any of the relationships I've had. In all my relationships, it's usually been more than enough to let him know that he disappointed me, angered me, hurt me, etc. In those few instances that I feel something more is warranted, I prefer to restrict the use of something he enjoys. If he likes experiencing pain, why on earth would I reinforce negative behaviors by giving him what he likes? If he doesn't like it, then there are more effective measures and ones that I associate more in keeping with an adult relationship.

Again, I'm not knocking people who see this differently. I'd enjoy hearing from those of you who disagree should you care to comment.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 4:34 PM :: 11 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- The R*d Silk Experience

Before I tell you about the fun I had last week with some of the fellas in my yahoogroup, I thought I should back up and tell you about what happened the week before.

Let me preface this by stressing something that all the fellas in my group have been told quite candidly. I have no desire to take hoards of submissives as my own nor am I searching for a boyfriend. I'm very well taken care of in that department ;) I'm very careful because I do not ever want to mislead or hurt anyone in any way. In my hypnosis MP3s I work really hard to make certain I don't "tie" anyone to me via hypnotic suggestion.

That said, I am very fond of those people that I've come to know via our very frank group discussions. There are some very sweet submissive fellas in my group who have not ever and whom may not ever have the chance to experience the control of a dominant woman. For awhile I've toyed with the idea of allowing them to experience a taste of control. I decided a couple of weeks ago to offer them their chance.

First, I told them days ahead of time to find and tuck away something that had a silky feel (like boxers, a tie, or something similiar). Then I let them stew for several days wondering what I had up my sleeve. I teased a little, laughed to myself a lot, and thoroughly enjoyed preparing them. Then, the day before the "event", I recorded their instructions via MP3 and posted it along with the addendum below.

"When you prepare to listen to the MP3, allow that piece of silk that you've been touching all day to touch one of the pleasure spots on your body (smiles - you can choose where ;) ). Leave it there as you listen. Yes, you may touch when listening, but whereever your choose to touch, let the silk be a nice, soft, sexy barrier. Make sense?"

(I'll add here that you can download and listen to the Silk MP3 if you are so inclined.)

Well, the experiment was a wonderful success. Those who participated professed to having a great experience and I know I certainly did. Part of the excitement for me was in reading their responses and learning about what went on in their minds as they were participating. I'll share one post here now (with Will's permission) and select a couple more tomorrow to share.

Will Walker wrote:

My first reaction was that this was a brilliant idea. I know Lady
Julia wondered how it would be received, but I can't imagine why
there would be any problem. It's an inventive step, and I was
excited about giving it a try from the first. No fear, but plenty
of arousal here. And curiosity. I certainly wanted to follow Lady
Julia's instructions to the letter.

As I seemed to be more aware of the silk as the day went on, my
feelings just continued to grow stronger and stronger. It's amazing
what that contact did to me. It was a constant reminder of what I
was doing, and that made me feel so close to this fine Lady.

This really gives me my first inkling of what it feels like to serve
someone, and it felt great!!! It's easy to get turned on for a
Domme, and that's basically all I've been involved with on the
internet. But this exercise showed me how much I would enjoy almost
every kind of assignment for Her. Everything about this was done
for Her pleasure, not mine or ours, and I've been alive with the
thrill of that all day. I feel like I'm on a quest for Her, and
I've been getting little chills of happiness about that from the
start.

This may be my first real understanding of how one can feel deep
satisfaction and contentment, without any personal reward (as in,
release). I've never served a Mistress, and I've wondered about how
I'd react, if I was involved in activities that did not focus on my
own needs. Now I know that I would still feel great pleasure, in a
totally different way. This was, indeed, an education.

Funny, before I started, I saw this as a way to repay Lady Julia for
the many ways She's offered us Her support and guidance. I saw it
as something I was doing for Her. But as the time passed, I found I
was even more grateful to Her for giving me this chance to expand my
horizons. Now, I see She's still giving, and this was one of Her
best-ever gifts. Now I owe Her even more!

This morning I found myself posting a long message in this group,
feeling even more involved than before. I like to write, but it's
usally a chore. This time my words just poured out. I also sent
Her an e-mail to thank Her again. I've been bursting to become more
involved now, and my thoughts have never flowed so freely.

I relayed to Lady Julia what happened when I went out to pick up
lunch. The lady clerk at the Whataburger (I'm such a gourmet) had a
soft Southern accent, which reminded me of Lady Julia's incredible
voice. I just sat there, listening to her announce the orders, with
a goofy grin on my face. When she called my number, I could barely
stand up straight!

The only other problem came during my afternoon swim. Not wanting
to get my silk wet, I left it beside the pool. That's when my dogs
grabbed it and had a growling tug of war all over the back yard. I
ended up having to chase them down, telling them to get their own
damn Domme. This silk was mine! How rude of them....

Other things I noticed? Well, since I'm currently listening to the
kisnapped prequel, I found myself saying, "Oh, yes, ma'am" a lot.
And when I was out of the house, in public, I kept having to recite
a lot of baseball scores to myself, trying to keep things (thing)
under control. While shopping, I became so aware of that silk down
there, and what I was secretly doing to serve Lady Julia, I was
almost constantly excited. I even giggled in the check-out line....

Posted by Lady Julia :: 4:45 AM :: 3 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Monday, July 17, 2006

Jane's Guide

About two months ago I discovered Jane's Guide, a site that bills itself as "your one-stop portal to the best in hand-indexed and reviewed links. (They) review sites of all kinds: from highbrow erotica and fine art nude photography to xxx hardcore." There's not much there for erotic hypnosis fans but maybe others in the genre will follow me and list there. I apparently didn't make the search category for loving female authority, but I did see number one on that list is one of my favorite blogs, Goddess V and Veezknight's Wife Led Marriage. Way down on the list for this search was another favorite of mine, Her and him's blog Pussy Worship.

Aside from reviews that (usually) give you a fair enough glimpse into the content of a site that you'll know if you want to pursue further, Jane's Guide offers a nice category search feature for the sites they've reviewed. When submitting my site for review, they allowed me to offer one recommendation for a category listed and then they chose the remainder. Even though my site didn't make it into a listing for all the cateogories that I think apply, I realize in fairness there is SO much content between the blog and the site that there's really no way a free service could make a category index that would satisify a fussy Domme ;)

Another nice feature is a "cost" listing and an "advertising level" listing. This allows the reader to automatically eliminate sites from their list of potentials if they already know they aren't interested in pay sites or sites with a lot of advertising content.

I wish I knew who "Vamp" was to thank him/her for their review as it was exceptionally nice (see below). Hopefully this reciprocal review will suffice.

Quality - Original vamp's pick Lady Julia's Entranced Realm

I dare you to read this woman's wish list and not fall madly in love with her. Lady Julia is a wonderfully gentle and sensual human being that has put together a sweet little gem of a site for folks interested in erotic hypnosis. In addition to quite a few educational articles, you'll find stories and free hypnosis mp3s. Her voice is very soothing, and I think I'd actually recommend this place for people with stress issues even if they aren't into erotic hypnosis. She links to her online blog and email list. - Vamp

Cost: Free Date Reviewed: 2006-07-11 Advertising: Low

Posted by Lady Julia :: 2:35 PM :: 1 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- This and That

Isn't this a great photo? I know it's not Femdom, but it's sexy, sexy, sexy anyway.

I'd mentioned in my previous post that I may have to move my blog again but thanks to my sweet friend gamma I won't have to. He helped me tweak my blogger settings and the post archives are accessible once more :) He's such a good boy ;)

Thanks also to all of you who have send cards and written to express your concern about my recent hospitalization. I'm not back to full form yet so I don't feel like doing my regular work. That does give me a bit more time to catch up here, in my group, and with my emails.

For awhile I haven't used my blog just to chat and I'm going to change that. After all, I'm guessing you probably wonder what life is like for a Domme. In general, it's pretty darn great ;) In fact, I have to make a concerted effort not to get downright arrogant (laughs).

This past week I did something really fun with my group and I'm planning to share more about it with you later today or tomorrow. (In case you wonder about my group, it's a gathering of about 950 people, most of them submissive males. We talk about a bit of everything). A couple of weeks ago, I had an idea of a way to let those who were interested to experience a bit of what it was like to be controlled by a Domme. The first experience was a single day experience, but last week it was the entire week. Duncan shares a little bit about it on his blog for those of you who are too impatient for my version of the story ;)

Hmmm, what else? Oh, I went back through the message list here and for the older archive for my blog and found at least a half dozen entries that I'd started and not completed. I'll be working on them and sharing them with you as well. You're going to end up with an overdose of Lady Julia ;)

Time for a nap now, though. Must rest so that I can toy a bit with my fella's mind later :)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:25 PM :: 1 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Trance of the Flowers

I slept in a sea of flowers
that grew to entwine and suggest.
Their fragrance carried You into
my senses. I thought with skin's softness.
My mind was empty of voice and empty
of choice, waiting to be filled with caring.
I took two slow breaths of deeper down
and sang the dreams the flowers sing.
Your words began to settle through the flowers
like the colored shadows of sighs.
I was one with all Your whispers,
gently seduced into wearing Your disguise.
I became the expression of Your art forever
until You deigned to set me free,
unwilling and newly born
from Your ecstasy.

(c) 2006, william the submissive poet

Labels: Poetry, Submissive Poet

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:20 PM :: 2 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Miss Me?

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:37 AM :: 4 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- The Dance

I believe that dominance and submission is that symbiotic dance performed in the deepest recesses of the mind, don't you?

Posted by Lady Julia :: 12:07 AM :: 5 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

More on Trust

(photo by netbuilder4194)

In response to my post on "The Compliment of Trust", Lady H wrote:

Lady Julia- Great topic. I agree that trust is an incredible gift. For me it is a type of validation. I work really hard to live my life in an honest and honorable way and it feels really good when someone else recognizes that and, more importantly, acts on it. But I was wondering if you got the opposite effect too. When you've known someone for a really long time and they still treat you almost like a criminal, yet you know it's really their own issues of mistrust toward females and paranoia, do you still experience it like a slap-in-the-face sort of insult? I experienced that situation in the past and at first I tried to be very understanding about his issues, but eventually, I took it very personally and found it created a whole lot of resentment on my part. Lady H.

I really can't say how I would respond to this because it's not something I've ever had to deal with in a long time friend or relationship partner. It is, however, something that happened to me recently with someone I had just met. At first, I was pretty offended, but we continued talking and thankfully worked things out. I realized this was a problem that he had to resolve from past issues and weren't really a personal reflection on me. It would have been much harder to accept if he had known me for some time.

I'm not sure what to say about someone who thinks ill of you after actually knowing you for some time except that if I wasn't already in a relationship with this person, I wouldn't allow it to go farther and if I was in a relationship, we'd be heading straight to counseling if we couldn't work it out between us. As you've said on your blog, trust is absolutely key to a successful relationship - D/s or otherwise.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 9:51 PM :: 4 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- my Training Day

(author's note: i have been a fan of Lady Julia's for almost two years. i'm convinced i've read every word She has publicly written and have almost memorized the contents of Her MP3s. i've tried to use Her phrases to add a sense of realism to the story. - andy)

__________



"Hello." my slightly irritated voice silenced the ringing of the phone.

"you don't sound too thrilled to speak with Me, andy".

my heart almost stopped. i had dreamed of hearing that sultry, laughter-laced voice speak my name. "Lady Julia?"

"Yes, andy. It's time. Obey Me now." i could feel my body begin to relax and my thoughts ceased to race. It was time now to let Her lead. It didn't matter where She took me. That was up to Her. All i knew was i wanted to go.

"you've been such a good boy. So obedient, your mind surrendering to My will. Allowing Me complete control, just like now. I'm in control of you as you OBEY ME NOW."

Her sexy voice continued to speak to my mind. It didn't matter that i was working. All that mattered was Her control. We had exchanged emails for several months and i had given Her all my contact information the day i had agreed to surrender all control to Her if She ever desired it. i never thought She would do it while i was working! It didn't matter. All that mattered was Her control. Those thoughts kept going through my mind almost as if someone was saying them aloud.

i don't remember what else She said. i wanted to remember but it was alright that i didn't.

Somehow i finished the work day and went home to my normally empty-feeling apartment. i hated being single again; it was so lonely. For some reason i didn't feel alone tonight.

After a hot shower i decided to fix a salad for dinner. Odd, because i didn't really like salad. "Chop the tomatoes extra thin and no onion", i told myself even though i like onion in almost everything. After the salad, i pulled out a place mat and a real plate and silverware. No paper and plastic tonight. The last additions were a glass of white wine and a tall, lit candle.

As i glanced over the table, i again thought something felt a little strange. i had always been clumsy about the niceties and had not set a table like this once since i had been divorced. Shrugging, i turned to the CD cabinet and pulled out a Beethoven CD. Yes, there it was, Beethoven's Eroica. That was the music that matched this meal.

As the first strains of music filled the air, the doorbell rang. i crossed the room , wondering who could be arriving at such an inopportune time. Naked save for my robe, i definitely wasn't dressed for company.

i opened the door and stared down into the most beautiful eyes i had ever seen - hazel, one more green and the other more brown. A slow smile spread across Her face and then i heard that familiar sexy laugh. "Are you going to invite Me in, or shall I have you kneel naked for Me right here in the hallway?"

my heart leapt into my throat. Kneel naked for Lady Julia? Quickly i stepped back and ushered Her into my apartment. As the door swung shut, i turned and looked down into Her face again.

"Yes," She said as if reading my thoughts, "you are much taller than I. We'll have to do something about that. Remove your robe and kneel for Me, andy. Obey."

my response was almost robotic. Carefully i removed my robe, folded it and sat it on the chair near the door and then knelt before Her, my head down, my back straight, and the palms of my hands resting on my thighs.

"That's a good boy. So well trained. So very obedient. Doesn't it feel so good to please Me in this way?" Her warm breath brushed my ear as She whispered these words. Immediately my cock was rock hard.

She chuckled almost as if to Herself and turned, leaving me that way. i could hear Her pull out the chair from the dining table and seat Herself so that She had an unobstructed view.

It seemed like the most natural thing in the world that She would sit, have Her dinner, enjoy the candlelight and music, and watch while i remained just as She left me. For some reason, i didn't want to move. i couldn't move. What had She done to me?

After She finished Her meal, She moved to the living room. Still i could not move. If possible, my cock was even harder than before. "It's time now to please Me, andy. Move here in front of Me and return to the exact same position, except this time, I want your knees spread. I want to take a good look at My new cock. Obey."

"yes Ma'am, as You wish." i hurried to acquiesce with no thought of embarrassment or hesitation.

"Yes, that's right, such a good boy. So obedient and so aroused. Just look how hard My cock is, all for Me. I'm so pleased." With that, She leaned forward and ran Her red-tipped fingers along my cheek. my body arched in response and a low moan was ripped from my lips. "Yes, that's right. you remember, the touch of My fingers on your face feels just like it would if My fingertips were touching My nice hard cock." i almost came right then but i couldn't.

"What's the matter, andy? you want so badly to cum, don't you? But you can't, can you? No, I know you can't, because I am controlling your body right now. Totally and completely. It's Mine for the moment and you are like a puppet on a string, able only to release at My command. No matter how much you want to, no matter how close you feel you are, you cannot release unless I say you may. Isn't that right?"

"YES!" i agreed knowing She was right but not certain why. She hadn't hypnotized me tonight and i was vividly aware of everything that was happening. Maybe a trigger or a post hypnotic suggestion?

She reached down and ran those red-tipped nails along the inside of my thigh. Again an involuntary moan. i hadn't thought Her cock could get any harder. Her cock? Was i really thinking that way? Yes, Her cock. It was Hers now. Even though i felt some inner rebellion at the thought, She was controlling my body. She was making me Hers. i knew that soon all inner conflict would be gone as well.

"Yes, that's right, I know your mind is still struggling. I'm allowing that. The choice will always be up to you." She had read my thoughts or, more likely, the conflicting expressions passing over my face.

"you may move your right hand now. Move it over and begin to touch My cock. Slowly tease it, but remember you may not cum. This is for My pleasure."

She sat back and watched as my right hand moved to touch Her cock. i didn't think i could do this for long and not cum. "How much can a man be expected to take?" my rebellious side wondered.

"Look up at Me, not at My cock." i lifted my eyes and saw that She was running Her fingers over Her breasts, caressing Her hard nipples through Her blouse. my body jumped as if electrified.

i admit it. i begged.

"Please Lady Julia!"

"Please, what, andy?"

"PLEASE LET ME CUM!"

Silence. Then worse than Her silence, a voice dripping with disappointment. i'd failed her. "you were so close. I really thought you would be the one."

She stood and walked to the door. i could not even move to watch after Her. "Perhaps the next boy will get it right." With that, She left. my body crumpled to the floor and i was in control of it once again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Every time the phone rings, i pray it is Her. i know the right answer now. If only She would ask the question one more time.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 7:32 PM :: 3 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Heaven's Gate

I float in a great dark velvet void
but there is no I here,
only a waiting, an anticipation,
a need.
When You speak a word,
it becomes the focus,
the nexus of everything.
It fills the universe and is heard
by every atom of the thoughtless
essence I have become.
In the open mind of trance
with my inner voice silent and sleeping,
Your words become the thoughts,
Your ideas become real,
Your erotic intensity and fantasy
become the only truth there is.
It feels so strange and wonderful
and slow in motion and pleasure.
When You turn up the gain on
my senses, what I become for You then
feels like You have taken my soul
once again through heaven's gate.

(c) 2006, william the submissive poet

Labels: Poetry, Submissive Poet

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:08 AM :: 3 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Experts

When you read a non-commercial blog, do you believe the writer is holding themselves out as an expert?

I read a comment left on Her's blog and that really made me think. When I write here, I'm sharing what I believe to be true but that doesn't mean that I think of myself as an expert nor does it mean that I am right. Smiles - well I'm right for my submissive and myself, but outside of that - your mileage may most certainly vary.

Relationships, as I commented on Her's blog, are a continuous exploration and really no one is an expert. I seldom read a non-commercial blog and think, "oh this person considers themself to be an expert". In a sense, each post begins with the implied "I think or I believe". We're just sharing our points of views and they're there for people to glean whatever they can and wish to from reading.

Unlike my YahooGroup, I don't seem to get many comments in spite of the fact that I know a large number of people are visiting daily (thanks, statcounter). I'm wondering if I'm presenting myself as an unapproachable "expert". Sure I like it when people agree with me (who doesn't?) but it doesn't matter to me if they do. Often, it's more fun for me if someone disagrees with me with reasonable, non-defensive, respectful debate. If you have a comment to leave here, feel free as long as it is respectful. I'm open to learning from the thoughts of others. Sometimes I'll agree, sometimes I'll disagree, but that isn't a personal thing. I like discussing things, don't you?

Posted by Lady Julia :: 9:11 AM :: 8 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Heads Up

If you're a Sprint customer, be aware that your your full name and address could be easily accessible to anyone who happens to know your number. After this article was linked on the Drudge Report, I'm sure Sprint was probably innundated with calls so hopefully the problem is already resolved.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 7:11 AM :: 1 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Friday, July 07, 2006

Another Look At Marital Chastity

Recently in my yahoo group we were discussing chastity and Scott wrote:

The wife & I practice a very mild form of chastity; when we know that we'll be, uhm, not intimate for a few days, she will deliberately wind me up; running nails over my belly & thighs, tweaking my sensitive bits, sometimes going down on me abruptly and then stopping...leaving me vibrating and needing.

Then she giggles, notes that "men make the best toys", and we move on to other things. Record is about a week.

Why do it? If we ain't a-goin' to do nothin', this way I don't feel bereft, she doesn't feel bereft, and we both consider it extended foreplay.

--Scott

While this may seem pretty tame to some of you, this could be a perfect example to share with a vanillia wife to demonatrate how easy (and fun) it is to begin taking over control of the relationship.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:32 AM :: 1 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Thursday, July 06, 2006

The Real Truth About Typos

Recently, in Goddess Kwan Yin's yahoo group, Mark posted the following:

I was reading some group posts recently and, often, people make small typos in their posts, sometimes substituting a similar word to the intended word as a result. Usually, I just let the typo go by, mentally correcting it as I read. Sometimes, however, the word substitution makes me start thinking about what if the substituted word were really the intended one, even subconsciously?

Hmm. On thinking about it, this seems to be the typographical equivalent of the Freudian slip. What do you think?

An interesting question, Mark! I think typos definitely mean something, at least in chat and quite often in private email. When men are chatting and sometimes when they're typing an email to a lovely Lady, they typo when they are aroused ;) It's true! If you think it isn't, next time you are chatting with or typing an email to a woman that you find attractive, watch and see if you make any typos. Sure enough, you will! The funny thing is, the more aroused you are, the more typos you'll make. Again, watch and see if this doesn't happen.

I also believe other women are aware of this phenomenon but are discreet about saying anything. We know you're aroused and we use that knowledge to our advantage... smiling on the inside the entire time, watching as the typos increase in response to the things we say and do...

Lady Julia
(PS - we know when you backspace and correct the typos, too, so even if what you type is presented as perfect, we still know you are aroused and covering it up...)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:18 PM :: 3 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Different Strokes

It's come to my attention that I may have upset a few people by my recent posts. That certainly wasn't my intention when I shared my point of view. My thoughts are just that - mine. What I think and do works well for me and mine and that's enough for me. I share those thoughts with you and if they work for you too, great. If you disagree, that's great, too. I'm not going to take it personally :)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 1:41 PM :: 2 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

More Thoughts on "Real" Submission

Will Walker wrote:

I tend to think of my own submissive status as a journey, a process that is ongoing. Starting later in life, I'm really just beginning to experiment with it; had I started earlier, I'd probably be much farther along. But I had to wait for the internet....

One of the most common habits humans have - rich or poor, men or women, straight or kinky - is the tendency to impose order on a disorderly world, whether that order is an illusion or not. Apparently, that's wired into our heads. It's probably just a series of chemical reactions, part of how we're put together.

The trick is to recognize that need, and make a conscious effort not to let it intrude on your reasoning process. But that requires a modicum of self-awareness, and it's sometimes a difficult read. As every guy knows, it is much easier to just let your glands do your thinking. And the world is full of people who don't make much of an effort.

This world is full of labelers, and the BDSM community's isolation and mistreatment no doubt lends itself to an "us vs. them" outlook. In their case, all these "true submissive" judgements are even more unfortunate, because they make it more difficult for newcomers to join in. Plus, there's very little real research on the scene, since it's mostly under the radar, so opinions fill that void... opinions that can easily masquerade as facts down the line.

But I must say, during the times I've spent with local BDSM devotees, I've found them to be far more open and welcoming than I ever thought they would be, from my readings on the subject. That's especially true of my city's BDSM groups. When I was active, they were all interested in helping me find my way, wherever that led. In fact, they are some of the nicest, most supportive people I've ever met.

Will

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rita wrote:

In a perfect world definitions of "real submissive" and Real Domme" might have a place. But really it doesn't matter. In any relationship there will be a dominant partner and a submissive partner. Is the submissive partner less that "real"? Of course not. And it doesn't have to be a Domme/sub relationship. All realtionships work that way... though some will try to tell you that they are equal. But it's a lie. There is no equality. So in this I definitely agree with Lady Julia.

As to male chastity, from my experience when boys are denied orgasm, they are more acquiescent, much more acquiescent. The longer they are denied and teased, the more they acquiesce. It's simple logic. They have given us control of what they so desperately need. And they will now do anything to get it back. Ok, it's not quite that simple... but it's like a diet. The minute you go on a diet you start thinking about food... and all the WRONG foods! When you take away a boy's permission to have an orgasm... it's all he can think about. If you think that it is his submission, then more power to you. But it's more hormones than submission. He has already submitted if he has agreed to go without ograsm, hasn't he??? But there are submission... and... submission. I have yet to find a boy who is submissive on a level different from personal biological factors.

Just my opinion. :)

Rita

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

paull wrote:

When you first meet someone, and begin to interact, there is a period of adjustment and getting to know one another. This is true in in any relationship; vanilla or bdsm. It all starts with "attraction"; those features about each other that draw one in deeper. Many of those things are physical or just "interesting", like eye color, shape, voice, laugh, etc. If both find traits or appearance they like, then it moves on. I just want to establish these thoughts as a base to discussion of "true Dominance/Submission". It is all a relative perception on D/s.

When you look at sites like alt.com, and begin to browse the profiles, there is a laundry list of sorts on what types of scenes, play, and behavior is desired by each member. Taking these into account, members can match desires to a potential partner, and eliminate those that are repugnant due to unsuitable expectations or acts that are well beyond the limits of either person. Again, it is a step in a D/s relationship.

I have met a few dominas in real time from such explorations, and in some, we didn't pass phase one. We just didn't "click" for chemistry or attraction in person. There are a couple that I would certainly love to see again, but that is another long story, and off-subject here.

To those who would deny their own sexuality, I would say "BS!". There are not many eunichs in the world and those who have that experience would explain how painful the aftermath is from the operation, both physically and emotionally. Try an internet search on the topic, and see those of you who really want to be asexual in your D/s life.

Trying to boil down the complexity of personalities into one definition of submission is impossible. The submissive that is a slave in a dungeon is no more of a submissive than the man who plays slave on weekends with his mistress. They both relish giving up control to their alluring female. In my mind, both are "true submissives". I don't think you define submissive by the extent of their conditions in life. It is a state of mind.

Personally, I find that it gives me pleasure to provide service to an alluring and dominant woman, both socially and physically. I was raised as an "old school gentleman" with great respect for women. I see equal rights as important in society of course, and yet I enjoy the arrangement of D/s outside of the workplace. Physically, it excites me to be under her control, her delight is paramount, and her imagination takes me to heights of lust.

paull

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

soulbits wrote:

i believe You are absolutely correct in Your statements. what may be comfortable for some in terms of expressing their submissive nature, wouldn't be right for someone else. this does not make one less of a submissive or slave. as You pointed out, the same goes for a Dom/me. just like everything in life, there are shades of grey and everyone has their own opinions and desires. how we chose to fulfill those desires should be what works for us, not someone else.

in terms of chastity, i see it mostly as a carrot for the slave - behave properly and follow my instructions and i will allow you release, don't be and you will be denied longer. for those that chose to use and accept chastity, it is more of a symbol of the slave's desire to prove his obedience to his Domme then a device to 'get' the slave to obey.

michael

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sleep Weaver wrote:

"Real" Dom/me and Submissive get thrown around alot. For me, I feel that a "real" Dom/me or submissive, is someone that truly understand the dynamic of the relationship that they are in. One that understands that a Dom/me has just as much to learn from a submissive, and a submissive has to learn from a Dom/me.

I always used to get into arguments with "Dom" that would claim they have trained a submissive for others. Yeah, I just rolled my eyes at that and asked "trained them for what?" and the reply always "to be a true submissive for their new master." I just laughed and argued, how can you train the dynamic when all the pieces aren't there? Perhaps you've trained them for "your dynamic" but how can you train them for anothers dynamic? (He was claiming beyond the things one would learn beyond "charm school" or how to say your P&Qs) In my mind, I didn't consider that person a "real Dom." The understanding of the dynamic just wasn't there with his one fits all mentality.

So, when I say a "real" Dom/me or submissive, I mean someone that understands their dynamic. Someone that understands the dynamic nature of the dynamics. The understanding that comes from within themselves so they know the "real" self, regardless if it is submissive, dominant or combination of both.

So, for the short answer, a REAL Dom/me or REAL submissive is one that knows and understands their dynamic.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 9:32 AM :: 1 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Monday, July 03, 2006

"Real" Submission

I posted the following in my YahooGroup a few days ago. Over the next day or so I'll post some of the interesting comments that followed my sharing of these thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Earlier tonight, I read a comment in which someone was explaining what a "genuine submissive" would do in a particular situation. The crux of the statement was, if you're a genuine well-trained submissive, you won't be that effected by your own orgasm.

First of all, whenever I read the phrase "a real submissive" (a real Domme, etc) or something similiar, I want to bang my head on something hard. Well, actually, I want to bang someone else's head on something hard ;) (Now you know I'm just kidding ... sort of). Frequently I'll hear people in the D/s, LFA (Loving Female Authority), BDSM lifestyles profess they think the vanilla world should loosen up and be more open-minded to alternative ways of looking at things - yet often they are just as quick to create a different but equally constrictive box within the lifestyle. Is there such a thing as a "real" Domme or a "real" submissive? If there is, I want to know who set the definition :)

There are varying degrees of most things in life and I believe there are varying degrees of submission. One is not more or less real than the others, they're just different.

Essentially, I think "real submission" is whatever two people (a dominant partner and a submissive partner) decide it is - as long as there is *some* level of power exchange. I may want less from someone than say a hard core Domme who wants a total slave. Does that mean someone who serves me isn't a submissive and someone who gives up all their rights to someone else is? I certainly don't believe so.

On another note, when someone says that "genuine submission" shouldn't be motivated by the male's sexual urges but should be solely motivated by his desire to please the Lady, aren't we sending mixed messages here? So many support male chastity because they say it increases the male's submissiveness. Are we thinking the male is more docile and more attentive because the less sex he gets, the more he's NOT going to want it and the more he's NOT going to think about it? Hmm... maybe for some, but it's been my experience it just increases the desire and the thoughts of sex. (Ask any man how long it has been since the last time he had sex and/or masturbated. Most can tell you to the day. If they're in a locked device, almost every one can tell you how long it has been.)

Yes, during periods of chastity, even short ones, the focus does turn more to the woman who is controlling her cock (well his, but you know what I mean - I love knowing that it is my cock to do with whatever I wish). In my opinion, this is a *channeling* of his sexual desires, not an elimination of it. Yes, a submissive man desires to please and he has sexual urges as well - urges he wants to have controlled. Personally, I like knowing I can elicit both and control both ;)

Lastly, I do not think it is truly possible for a submissive to be selfless. To be sure there are a few acts in life that are selfless, but for the most part, we do things because we get something out of it. "All behavior is purposeful." If a submissive is motivated to please, then he feel good about the acts he's done to please the Domme - sexual or otherwise. It fulfills something that is a part of him and I think this is wonderful. No one questions him about feeling good about doing it or questions the genuineness of his submission. If he does something, however, to please the Domme and it arouses him... why is this not genuine submission as well? Somehow, it seems a few people have associated the term submissive with selflessness and I don't think it's the same.

I'm ok with the fact that he "gets" something out of his submission. To me, this does not detract from his gift at all as long as his motivation is something that I can accept. After all I can quite easily control not only his actions but his motives as well ;)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 8:14 PM :: 2 Comments:   

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---------------------------------------

Saturday, July 01, 2006

The Compliment of Trust

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.” - George McDonald

A few weeks ago, I gave my fella a task that required a great deal of trust. I'd given him a gift - the perfect kind of gift, really, because it was really a gift for me ;) Suffice it to say it was a something that was very intimate and symbolized my control over him in a very... palpable.. manner. At any rate, his task was to take some photos demonstrating his use of that gift. He doesn't have a digital camera and I'm pretty sure he wasn't interested in snapping some candid photos to take to the local film shop for development (can you imagine?? - laughs), so he used his web cam. Bless his heart - he spent quite a bit of time the next day trying to get a few photos that would please me and please me they did ;)

Far more important than those delicious photos, however, was his eagerness to embrace the task, his devotion and determination to do a perfect job, and his implicit trust in me by offering them to me without reservation. All just for me ... just because I asked. What a delightful feeling of control from that one task. It was also very interesting to see how completing this task effected him. To be sure, he found the experience to be very exciting, but the truly arousing aspect for him was the completion of such a task in response to a very (deliberately) casual request from me. Whenever I give him tasks that really demonstate to him just how much control I have, he seems to feel even a greater desire to submit and please. It's really a very delicious loop that is totally and completely a win/win situation.

I hadn't mentioned this to anyone because frankly, I generally feel what we do together in private is private. But.. the other day, I was perusing the news sites and I read an article about a state trooper who had published nude photos of his ex-wife on the internet along with an ad soliciting violent sex. Wow, can you imagine such a violation of trust? Reading this, and knowing what a cautious man my fella is - especially when it comes to his professional reputation - it really hit home what a precious gift his trust really is and how much responsibility I have to respect and honor that trust.

I just wanted to thank him here for the wonderful compliment.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 7:18 PM :: 2 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- I interrupt This Blog For a Personal Rant

It would seem that the United States Secret Service was in on a matter of massive national/Presidential security yesterday. Did you read about it? If not, you'll be glad to know that they, along with local and state police for Westfield, MA have seized a digital camera with photos of Brad, Angelina, and their new baby.

We can all sleep better now.

(OK, so maybe there's some hidden threat there to the US and/or the President and they just haven't released the info. I certainly hope that the public demands that information because otherwise, I'd think there would be a plethora of more efficient ways to use our Secret Service resources than this.)

Posted by Lady Julia :: 10:34 AM :: 1 Comments:   

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--------------------------------------- Maybe I'm Clueless

I think that I am totally clueless when it comes to Loving Female Authority relationships because a lot of what I am reading out there on blogs seems to infer that men are expected to accept direction from their wives regardless of their feelings and needs. For example, several are discussing cuckolding, how they very much do not want this to happen in their relationships, yet how they know that it may happen anyway should their wives choose to proceed in that direction. Does participation in a LFA mean abandoning all limits for the men involved?

Cuckolding is a very serious thing - if the husband doesn't buy into the process, it can not only damage the relationship beyond repair, but it can do some very serious damage to his self-esteem. It seems from the things I'm reading, men feel they must accept this no matter what if this is what their wives decide. I have to ask myself why is this? Does LFA mean that the men have no ability to set hard limits to the relationship? That's a really scary place to be if the Lady doesn't consider the man's needs as important and act accordingly.

Another thought - if a wife decided that she and her husband should do something really far out there in the SM realm, would there be simple acquiesence to this as well? If she decided she was really into daily severe beatings and locking him in a cage even though he truly wanted nothing whatsoever to do with this, would this become a part of their relationship dynamic?

As a loving Domme, I have a responsibility to know my submissive's needs and limits. I cannot be so selfish in this relationship that I do not take care of him. Does that mean that today's limits and needs will be next month's limits and needs? Maybe, maybe not. Some limits are hard, others soft. The soft limits, I am well within my rights to explore and push a bit. Smiles - I can be very persuasive. Hard limits, as long as they remain hard, are places I don't go. We might discuss them, but only in a situation in which he knows I respect his feelings and he can be totally open and honest. Perhaps someday, those must-not-cross boundaries may not be so iron clad. Then and only then would I be within my right to proceed.

In the D/s world, relationships are built upon the safe, sane, and consensual foundation. This doesn't mean he directs what happens between us, but he is involved in setting some very basic parameters. It also means that I'm responsible for keeping things safe - physically and emotionally.

I always want to make certain that I don't get so overtaken by the rush of the power exchange that I forget the "loving" component is still the primary key to keeping my relationship healthy.

Posted by Lady Julia :: 9:45 AM :: 5 Comments:   

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