Reality Check
Today on her blog Goddess Arabia shares about a hurtful exchange between she and her submissive husband. Certainly a part of me was saddened to read this - she seems to be a lovely person and she's hurting - but a part of me was very glad she related this experience because she's allowed her readers a very real glimpse of what it is like sometimes to live in a power exchange relationship.
I receive letters every day from men who express an intense desire to live this sort of lifestyle. Most are grounded and reasonable, but some seem to be stuck in some sort of fantasy world in which D/s is a magic wand that, when waved, would cure all the ills in their relationship. While this sort of shift in dynamics can certainly make a difference, it's not a mystical cure. If a couple has poorly formed relationship skills then unless these skills are honed, things aren't going to change that much in the long run. A successful relationship, D/s or not, is a lot of work.
Thanks for the reality check, Goddess Aradia. I hope you feel better soon.
posted by Lady Julia @ 1:44 PM
9 Comments
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9 Comments:
As You point out, Goddess Aradia has done us all a great service. W/we do tend to focus on the joys of a FLR but there are days when W/we all hit rough patches. i tend to think that W/we in the lifestyle have fewer than most vanilla couples because of the special bond between U/us. But W/we are all human and W/we all make mistakes that wind up causing "damage," to use Goddess Aradia's term.
I am glad to see others are following your lead Lady Julia. You have always painted a realistic picture.
Please? What is FLR in this forum? I grew up in the midwest where "FLR" stood for "Family Life Radio" and I'm having problems putting the two things together in my head (Family Life Radio is an unltraconservative christian radio station)
I think that this lifestyle does decrease the number of arguments if the issues that previously caused problems are addressed. If, for example, the two involved can't talk to one another in an open, honest, and trusting manner - this won't work in the long run either. Both have to be committed to making it work and they both have to want it - not just the husband. It can't be just a bandaid that a woman allows to be put on an already ill relationship because her husband wants it. She has to buy into it too. In addition, she can't *make* herself dominate him if she is herself a submissive type of person.
If the two are ready for a relationship like this, I think it works wonderfully. Arguments over sex, money, who is going to take out the trash - all eliminated as long as the power exchanged dynamic remains in place. Even then, there are still issues that arise from time to time that need addressing.
Snick - FLR is "female led relationship" :)
Quite a raw and touching account. Whether D/s or just plain vanilla, relationships can at times be very trying and difficult. Yet to a degree, these difficult moments do provide a contrast against which the joy and happiness of the relationship can be measured.
As corny as it may sound, you really can't know happiness unless you've also known some hurt, and vice versa. That's the risk we all take with relationships and, for the most part, the rewards are worth an occasional bout of pain. I hope it will work out for Goddess Aradia.
Thank goodness! I thought I was doomed to listen to the strains of "Onward Christian Soldiers" for the rest of my life :P
Snick, you make me grin...I thank you for that.
And thank you for the link, Lady Julia. I forget sometimes that personalities can clash that strongly; I am blessed with a dominant wife who makes it so easy to remain within her boundaries. I do emphathize with Goddess Aradia; and I hope I never disappoint my Love the way she was hurt.
The power exchange of a Female/male D/s relationship very much resembles a Mother/son relationship. As such, there will be times when the 'son' rebels against the authority of the Dom.
I have every confidence and hope that Goddess Aradia will be able to work things out with her husband. And thank you, Lady Julia, for being another voice of reason and common sense in the area of FLR's.
Lady Julia wrote:
"she seems to be a lovely person"
I would have to disagree on that statement. Reason being, I have
read almost in entirety every word
she has written in her blog and contrary to what she appears to be,
she is not a lovely person.
While I do appreciate the amount of
time she spends on her lifestyle and
the bending the world around her to suit her needs/wants, she is at the very least, delusional.
This has inspired me to write on the very ideals in which she is mistaken. Kind of like a thesis or term paper if you will.
Please do not take this wrong, if it is your lifestyle then I am sincerely happy for you... but if you think it should be the lifestyle for all men and women, you are sadly mistaken.
In closing, I find the title, "Reality Check" amazingly apropos!
Because that is eXactly what she needs.
Send mail to enumerated1@yahoo.com
should you feel so inclined.
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