Now *THIS* is a Woman I Could Submit To
Smiles - I'll bet the title of this post caught your attention and made you wonder all sorts of things about me. Actually - it's something I'd like you to respond to. What qualities in a woman would make you eager to submit to her? (If you're already in a dominant/submissive relationship, what qualities do you admire in her or would you most like to see in her?)
My friend Bryan recently asked me to describe my ideal submissive. I suppose, Bryan, I'd have to say he's a strong man. Not necessarily physically (although I do like that), but of character and personality. He's not needy in a sense that he doesn't have to have my control - he simply wants it more than anything else ;) He's someone who shares a similar philosophy regarding D/s. Whenever I'm with him, I'm always on my toes - and I really like that. He's a challenge.
Otherwise, I think everything else is simply what I'd want from a man period. It has nothing to do with submissiveness or dominance. Intelligence, a good sense of humor, the ability to articulate his thoughts and at least a willingness to attempt to talk about his emotions, honesty, sincerity, a respect for others, tenacity (can't deal with quitters - have never been able to), sexually adventurous, a strong sexual connection, and so on. Oh, and a cute butt ;)
I'm very lucky to have someone like this and I know it. People often say, "Well you're a Domme. There are so few of you and so many men who want to be with a Domme that you can have your choice of men." I suppose in a way that's true, but it's more difficult than you'd think to find a man like I've described (especially given the fact that I wasn't looking for anyone when I met mine.) Besides, comments like that always make me think that for some, it wouldn't matter who it was that dominated them as long as someone did. As you can imagine, that's very off-putting. It's important to me to know that just any old Domme won't do - that it matters to him that it's me. He knows this, and he's done an excellent job in letting me know that the things he's done for me are things he wouldn't have done for anyone else.
Yes... I'm very lucky indeed.
posted by Lady Julia @ 12:14 PM
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8 Comments:
For a romantic D/s relationship I would want everything I'd want in a lover. She'd be smart, kind, humane and very passionate. With that desire to take control.
And, honestly, she would have to be something of a sadist. A loving one but with a real pleasure in S&M which is a part of my needs.
As in any good relationship, I would want to be dominated by someone who was as interested in pleasing me as I was in pleasing her although in the D/s case, it becomes an iterative loop in which my pleasing her pleases me and that pleases her so that she uses me to please herself more...etc. In that vein, the best Domme would be one who was genuinely interested in me and discovering what my real buttons were even if I didn't consciously know what they were and then experimenting with them in a spirit of mutual discovery and D/s. She should enjoy controlling me as much as I enjoy being controlled and we should passionately have empathy for each other, making our relationship very intense at times. Finally, we should be able to take 'time off' from D/s, just because in a vanilla world, it is hard to maintain such a relationship under all conditions. Oh, and certainly not least, we should love each other, love exploring each other and being explored by each other, intellectually, hypnotically, emotionally and physically.
-william
Dear Lady Julia,
Obviously I can't comment on my dream domme. However, I can wholeheartedly agree with you, that the man who submits to me must also be the man I love. I am not doing this for power or money. I am doing this because it makes our relationship stronger, livelier, and more enduring.
Lady J,
i do have some thoughts as to Your whole post but Your question was what do i find attractive in a Woman.
i feel that despite wanting to sound noble, a physical attraction is necessary to at least initiate an interest. i dont mean a stunning beauty but i do need to feel an attraction, at least i did when i could perform with other Women. By far and away the quality i seek in a Woman is intelligence, any woman that i want a relationship with has to be at least my equal intellectually (not that im a genius or anything). i love to converse and debate with Mistress and we can spend hours verbally sparring. i love a sense of humour (note the correct spelling *grin*) and i really enjoy being with a Woman who is energetic and vivacious.
All these things together add up to someone that i really enjoy being with, but unfortunately i cannot really form a loving relationship in the amorous sense unless She is a Domme.
Sometimes the laws of supply and demand, combined with deep, primal needs drive people to make choices they might not otherwise make in a perfect world.
Still, for me, there would have to be more than just the D/s aspect. I am interested in loving and serving a Person and I would want my service accepted by one who loved me.
In some ways I am a hopeless romantic, in others more of a realist. I know that relationships take work, committment, and sacrifice, but I still believe that the love between two people is something very special to this mixed up species that can transcend even the most intense sexual bond. It is worth it to me to find that, to be patient.
I understand what lunar is saying. Logically I know it is unlikely I will ever find someone like my dream Domme. Do we just ignore the submissive part of us and go for a vanilla existance? Then to find a Domme who is a hypnodomme. What are the odds of that happening? Then add on that, a Domme who doesn't wish to humiliate me or kick the hell out of my balls?
Usually dream women exist only there, in dreams. Rook is the luckiest guy in the universe because he found you. You're intelligent, sassy, classy, funny, kind, educated, articulate, sexy, sexy, sexy.
How do you feel about being cloned?
Don't we all wish we could clone her.
I agree with the things others have said here and those are qualities I want too. The only thing I would add is I would want someone who doesn't mind that we aren't open to co-workers and some friends about our D/s choices.
Duncan's post on this topic on his blog and his remarks here did a good job at expressing the frustration that I and many others feel.
The first thing I would want in a Domme is an air of self confidence. When she knows that she has the power, it changes a lot.
That breeds the second thing, which is fun. She has such fun controlling me, and is able to enjoy it so much because she is absolutely non-threatened. (#1, above.)
The third thing is kindness. The Mistress I love doesn't bitch me out all the time and doesn't act pissed off all the time. My nerves can't handle that. Since she has all that self confidence and is having such fun, there is no need to be bitchy, right? It falls in the class of what I call "Sweet Power". Please, kiss me into submission and I will do anything you ask!
The fourth thing is capriciousness. For all of the practical things I can do for my Mistress, to have to do something nonsensical or whimsical just because she wants it is something that keeps things very fresh and fun for me.
The fifth thing is strictness. For all of the kindness and niceness, a rule really is a rule, isn't it? If I get let off the hook too easily, too often, I feel very undominated. And we can't have that, can we? :)
And sixth- she loves me to please her orally, again and again and again. :)
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