Vanilla Women and Kink

Contrary to what some may believe, men haven't cornered the market on kinky desires. Clearly I can't speak for all women (smiles - well I could, but it wouldn't be accurate), but I remember working in a hospital with a number of other women and at break time my friends and I would often talk about sex and kink. I admit most professed they didn't have quite as kinky of ideas as their partners, but they definitely had some kinky ideas floating around in their heads.

Even as young as 15 or 16 I had a few kinky fantasies. As I matured and became more comfortable with my Dominance and my sexuality, I began to explore some of those interesting concepts ;) Today, I find that my kinky horizons have broadened and I am fond of things that at one time I wouldn't even consider.

Many women do seem to find it difficult to admit that they have a proclivity for that which is a bit more spicy. In many circles, nice women just don't do those things or they're wrong. While I can respect everyone's beliefs, sometimes I think these protestations are only "for public viewing" beliefs - those beliefs one should hold because it's too uncomfortable admitting to the others. For those wishing to introduce kink into their relationships, I think it's important to make certain your partner knows this exploration can be as private as she wishes and that she won't be thought "less of" for agreeing to and even enjoying these activities. And - it's ok if she doesn't agree or enjoy them.

I can still remember one of the things that helped me first evolve into trying bondage before I even really knew what BDSM or D/s were (the only concept I had of this was cruel, whip-wielding Dominatrixes). One night, we were lying in bed after a really great lovemaking session that I had initiated. He knew my confidence level was high, we were happy and relaxed, and we were just talking. He casually mused that this sort of great sex was something he had often dreamed about when we first met and hadn't yet progressed to the point of physical intimacy. Then he asked if I ever dreamed about sex (of course I did) and if I ever dreamed about anything different than what we usually did. Admittedly, I was reluctant at first to answer but he reassured me that nothing I said could shock him or turn him off. "You know guys - we're up for everything", he laughed. Finally I admitted I had thought of trying tying each other up. This probably seems really tame to most of you, but I assure you it was really hard for the conservative woman I was then to admit that. His response? "Well what are we waiting for?" He asked me to choose who was to be tied and that's when I discovered how much I liked tying and teasing him. Who knew? (Well of course, he did - smart fella.)

Obviously as a Domme I hold some fascination with kinky play, but I think a bit of kink can spice up any relationship as long as limits are respected and as long as the fascination with the kink doesn't overshadow the individual in the relationship. To me, when the kink turns you on more than the woman you're with, that's too much focus on the kink. She needs to be the center and the kink just a tool used to enhance the excitement you both feel for one another.