The Reddened Behind

On her blog, Woman Rules Roost, Candace shares her feelings about introducing paddling into her LFA relationship with her husband, Tom. I respect the fact that she is approaching this by asking questions of herself and others before she proceeds. She mentions some of the same concerns I felt when I began to delve into the pain/pleasure arena. How will I know if I've gone too far, how long should I let him moan in pain?

One question haunted me more than any other. How can anyone who loves someone physically hurt them? It took actually experiencing the infliction of pain before I could really grasp this concept. To watch his face as the pain slowly increased, to hear his quickened breathing, and to see his growing erection each time my hand smacked his gorgeous behind.... there was no way I could deny that he was enjoying this. We talked about it each time when we first began delving into that area because I wanted to understand what was going on in his head when it happened and vice versa. For him it was quite a bit about the physical sensation and the release of the endorphins. It also helped to reinforce that I was in control of his body and his mind, something he desparately longed for. For me it was all about that sense of knowing I had yet another way to control him completely during our play time. It wasn't something that appealed to me for frequent use but it was quite erotic when we did.

Adding toys seemed to always bump things up a notch too. We started out using things around the house. I really enjoyed lying next to him, teasingly running my fingertips over his behind and then casually telling him that it was time to go to the kitchen. He knew that meant wooden spoon time and his body would instantly let me know what he thought of that idea. Another fun toy was a tiny whip that is sold as a "penis whip". This was something I enjoyed using when he was bound and helpless. I'd run it along the inside of his thighs until he was squirming and moaning in anticipation and then I'd tease his cock with it. Three or four very gentle taps and he was begging for permission to release. Eventually we progressed to a nice paddle for his behind. Yum that was fun to use as it generates the most delicious sounds - both the smack of the leather as it contacted his flesh and his cries of pain and excitement. Hmm - it's getting warm in here ;) In my current relationship (a long distance one for now), pain is not really something we've broached. We're still busily exploring all the exciting dimensions hypnosis can add to a relationship ;)

In spite of all my enjoyment of inflicting painful pleasure in the past, when considering the use of spanking as a form of discipline for a submissive I admit that I view the issue quite differently than many others in similiar lifestyles. It's difficult for me to fathom that an adult needs a spanking in order to discipline him and teach him to do what I want. Clearly there are people who believe this and I'm not at all saying they are wrong, I just can't understand it or associate it with any of the relationships I've had. In all my relationships, it's usually been more than enough to let him know that he disappointed me, angered me, hurt me, etc. In those few instances that I feel something more is warranted, I prefer to restrict the use of something he enjoys. If he likes experiencing pain, why on earth would I reinforce negative behaviors by giving him what he likes? If he doesn't like it, then there are more effective measures and ones that I associate more in keeping with an adult relationship.

Again, I'm not knocking people who see this differently. I'd enjoy hearing from those of you who disagree should you care to comment.