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| BDSM AND ROMANCE by Richard of Down on my Knees Many women are discomfited if not horrified when their boyfriend or husband expresses a desire to be dominated – perhaps beaten and abused. But – since they love him – try to make him happy. Often feeling very confused the whole time. And feeling they’ve lost what brought them together: affection, tenderness, love. Romantic love isn’t necessarily incompatible with S&M and D/s. Ideally for two passionately committed people it is another way of channeling the passion. Nor does the power exchange have to be “on” all the time. If you try to explore this with him there may be many times when you feel you are trying to climb a glass mountain and you lose your grip and fall down into an abyss. He may be confused and sending mixed signals as he tries to distinguish among: his fantasies, what he really wants and is able to cope with. And what he has read that he should want. What he’s read you should be like. And your own thinking may be made murky by websites and bloggers who present a simple agenda of “true femdom” or loving female authority or female led relationships. Neither you nor your husband or boyfriend has to live up to sadomasochistic sermons of others. Ideally he wants the pleasure of pleasing you. And you want the happiness of fulfilling his need by teaching him how. Both of you have lots to learn. Aside from not worrying about what some may be pushing in their blogs each of you needs time. So relax, take your time to explore. Don’t let yourself feel rushed. And don’t worry about what some guy with a blog may say unless it really feels true for you. |
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