FANTASY VS. REALITY
by Mistress Jen and jssubc

One of the things that one learns quickly about in a BDSM relationship is that some fantasies are best left as just that. Mistress and i were discussing some things that had gone a little less than ideal when we had tried to act on a fantasy, some with (now) amusing results.

Mistress interjects here:
*closes eyes and repeats: I have a sense of humor I have a sense of humor I have a sense of humor*

A reader may have noticed that i have often mentioned Mistresses cat. His name is Buddy and strangely enough i named him even though i dont like cats. Now Buddy is a 45lb blimp, when Mistress and i have sex and the Earth moves, it's really just Buddy coming down the stairs, i mean that feline killing machine couldnt catch a cold. He can however affect the course of a particularly intense scene. Picture this if you will: Mistress dressed to the hilt in Her leather corset, thigh highs, garter belt, crop etc. and me tied spread eagled, face up on the bed in a state of drooling excitement and Buddy decides for the first time in three years that he wants to play the hunter....... with my genitalia! Imagine 45lbs of feline fury landing on YOUR cock, claws and all. That cat is lucky to be alive i tell you, and i'm lucky not to speak in a different octave.

It is true that Buddy is big boned...on the other hand slave...so are you...remember the time you went to sleep with your head on my thigh and I had pins and needles for an hour? I know you have a swelled head but that was ridiculous! Oh, and isn't it ironic that you have to cap the CAT'S name but have to refer to yourself in small letters.

Ever notice how common a fantasy kneeling is? As in: i can crawl and stay on my knees all day, well at least i thought i could until i found out Mistresses new house has ceramic tile throughout. That stuff gets F******G painful and kneeling on it becomes very very uncomfortable in a short space of time. So to compromise, instead of kneeling at Her feet i sit on my bum, theres lots of padding there. As an aside ceramic floors are deadly when they are wet and after poor slave (me) has spent hours washing them, me and Buddy sit on the floor with our beer and cigarettes waiting to see if Mistress takes a corner to fast. It really is neat to watch Mistress do a triple Sowkow in Her underwear, i have even taught Buddy to do hi 5's! Mistress then found out that by tying me up and flicking my erection with Her finger Buddy thinks that this is a game and jumps on it like a ball of yarn.
Wet floors now have caution signs on them.

This blog is about how reality is different then fantasy. If you want to bring up my skidding across the wet floor on my hands and knees perhaps I should bring up a few things myself! The time I spent 200 bucks on new toys and you threw them out...still gone! The TWO times you bought anal toys at my direction in the EXTRA large size and when you showed them to me we both started laughing. And I won't mention the look on your face when I made you clean the girl's bathroom.

At one point Mistress bought a long length of chain and insisted i do my household chores attached to it. Do you have any idea how loud that can be on a ceramic floor? After three tylenol and a glass of wine Mistress decided that wasnt such a good plan. i mean Marleys ghost had nothing on me!

When i go down there Mistress immediately takes possession of anything that i can use to get away, my passport, my credit cards, my bank card and most importantly my money. i am in effect pennyless and i have to ask Her for anything and everything which normally doesnt present a problem until the day that Mistress dropped all the money that i had given Her, almost $500 in the parking lot of the grocery store. There we were at the checkout wondering where the cash had gone and then racing to the car which of course did not yield up anything. Believe it or not though someone actually picked it up and handed it in to the store manager and we got it back.

My slave made me write a thank you letter and he graciously offered to pay for the stamp.

At 11pm one night, Mistress declared that She was hungry and felt like a snack of which hard boiled eggs were to be the centrepiece. Off goes the nude slave who only wants to go to sleep to prepare the snack for Mistress with infinite TLC. Turns out that things take longer at high altitude (7,000 feet) and despite my best intentions the hard boiled eggs were runny. Not only did i get to sleep with Buddy that night but i have to endure endless jibes about what kind of slave cant even boil an egg.

Even *I* can boil and egg. And be honest you got it wrong 3 times in a row.

i remember when Mistress began to indulge Her fantasy of flogging. Now this was a doozy! Picture this. The vivacious, powerful, sexy, animated, scintillating Domme swinging the flogger with ruthless abandon ....... at least until She hit Herself on the back of the head on Her backswing. Boy did that kill the moment. Turns out that a slave isnt supposed to laugh when his Mistress hits Herself. Go figure!

Mistress and i played a game of hide the punishment implement. The rules were simple. i was hogtied and i had hidden the whip. Mistress had five minutes to get me to tell Her where it was, if She found out She would use it on me, if She didnt i could have a beer with dinner. After less than a minute with the Wartenberg Wheel on the soles of my feet i buckled and told Her it was in the laundry room. Four and a half minutes later Mistress, smug and casual in Her victory discovered that it wasnt and was berating me for lying. i won though! *grins*

Last time I'll trust you!

Our first foray into the world of dildoes and anal was as You would expect, not quite a smooth and seamless scenario. Mistress tied me across a coffee table and as You would expect for my first time was solicitous and caring. She paid a lot of attention to my welfare and talked to me gently and encouragingly. The dildo itself was the non-rigid type and i had seen it in the harness and i was dreading it. Mistress applied the lube in copious quantities and proceeded to deflower me. Well She tried to anyway, after feeling some pressure a couple of times i craned my neck to look at Her. "umm Mistress?" i asked with an innocent, dolefull look on my face. "yes slave?" came the caring response. (big breath from slave here) "Mistress i think You missed". Boy did that kill the moment. One sore backside later Mistress had rectified that situation.

I suppose there is a reason that you call me Calamity Jen.

One of the reasons that i love Mistress so much is Her sense of humour. These situations could have been difficult and spoiled things for both of us. A fantasy is just that, sometimes in real life you get lucky and they are better than you could imagine but others are just .....well they can be disasters. The one thing that we have learned and shared together is that life is to short to be taken too seriously, if it doesnt go well, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again.

And in all seriousness, we have tried almost everything more than once and we usually get it right the second or third time. Fantasy is a lot easier then reality. On the phone or online you skip over all the details. Being kept naked all the time in the snowbelt will get you frostbite, kneeling while carrying a tray can cause burns from spills, you have to pee before you have sex in the morning and losing ciriculation in your feet is not usually a good thing. I love online and phone with my slave because it is so mental but real life is much deeper, much funnier, and much more fufilling --MISTRESS (calamity Jen)