August 22, 2005

For some, submission is a fantasy, something to add a little kink to sex.  For others, it's not as much about what they want to do, it's about who they are.  What motivates you to submit?  If your answer is, "because it feels good", perhaps consider why it feels good.  Realizing why you wish to submit can help make your submission more satisifying to you.  Sharing this information with your Mistress can help her guide you to a deeper level of submission.

Recently, I posed this question to my YahooGroup.  Below are their very insightful answers.

Thanks fellas (smiles).

Lady Julia
@>->-------

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This is a really complex question, i don't think there's any simple answer even for one person. Certainly my personal views have changed as i've grown older. Here's my best shot at describing where i am today.

One powerful appeal of submission for me is that it means temporarily giving up responsibility. Somebody else is making the decisions, you can relax. That's especially appealing if you have a lot of responsibilities normally, be they family, work or community.  Perhaps this is why so many people are submissive in the bedroom despite being anything but in the "real" world.

Submission also requires great trust. Therefore it's a way of demonstrating trust and having that trust proved justified. We don't get that a lot in this society.

Another appeal is the thrill of the unknown. When there is trust then uncertainty can be hugely arousing. Not knowing what command your Mistress will issue next, only that you *will* obey... laying bound on the bed, knowing that your Mistress could do anything...  knowing that She now decides if and when you can come... What could be more exciting?

As i've grown older, another factor has become increasingly important:  the simple pleasure of giving pleasure. Not just with anyone, but with a special person that one cares for. That, for me, is what distinguishes submission from kinky sex. Being tied up can happen with anyone. A true Ds relationship is just that, a relationship. Not simply between "a Domme" and "a sub", but between two fully rounded,compatible individuals who respect and care for each other.  They also just happen to be Domme and sub.

In any relationship, from casual friendship to passionate lovers, we like to give the other person pleasure. We do it all the time - phone
calls, compliments, little treats, whatever. Ds is an intense extension of that, often but not always sexual.

My idea of the ultimate submissive experience is knowing the pleasure of a friend as i obey Her every command.

And hopefully it would please Her even more were i to do so whilst bound and gagged :-)

- gamma

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What motivates me to want to submit?

I have always associated submission to a Domme in hypnosis with sensuality, there is something erotic about giving up the control that way. There is a sense of freedom in trusting her to lead you in whatever way she might.

Some of it has to do with not always wanting to be in control (a role I have most days). Submission in hypnosis provides relief from that and in my fantasies frees me. Vampire stories and how the enthralled are captured and willingly surrender despite a primal fear has always fascinated me and drawn me in.

Some thoughts.

Slainte

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I haven't always felt the desire to submit. In the past I have been the dominant one both professionally and personally. My interest then was in controlling my partner's pleasure. I enjoyed hearing the soft whimpers and moans when she would beg for release.  Knowing that I could control her pleasure made me feel powerful and happy.

In the past few months things in my professional life have been increasingly demanding. The idea of letting go and having someone else lead the way has become much more attractive. The desire to give my partner pleasure is still there however. My pleasure and excitement comes from knowing I have pleased her and that she is enjoying the control she has over me.

Jackson

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well have given this a lot of thought ... my initial thought is that it is almost like asking what makes me like ice cream on a summer day ... i am not sure, i just know i love it ... and it quenches a desire ... after more introspection, i would have to say the motivation is to satisfy a deep craving that i have to give pleasure, show obedience, and to be controlled.   where this deep craving comes from, i am not sure really, but it is undeniable and a integral part of my inner being.   when i am able to explore this desire, there is a wonderful sense of satisfaction, happiness, and calming of the soul.

subpaul_wa99352

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its varied and i really can not explain it totally because i don't feel motivated all the time. it can be as intoxicating as the most potent of spirits ( the liquid kind even though i don't partake of them) oops lost the thought. submitting is that drug, and drink that transports you into a world so different that at times it can be addicting to change the requirements of daily life for others. but there are times when the requirements of regular life are more important than the relief that the trip into another mindset gives.  if this make any logical sense at all, if not i can blame it on lack of sleep or lack of anything else lol

fish1701a

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A few things:

-taking a vacation from the pressure of always being in charge

-hypnosis because it removes the illusion of choice and you are really in her power

-love the wonderfull feeling of being hypnotized (floating, etc.), it just feels so great.

-love the feeling of letting go.

jon1935h

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I think that control is just an illusion, but I don't mind giving up direction to someone else in a sexual sense. It's quite a euphoric feeling, more the defeat for some reason than anything else. It's almost as if losing the battle is the turn on not the control. When
you are as stubborn and quick witted as I am it is rare that you feel like you have lost because you only do when you actually give up. Not sure how deep all that goes but the trail defintely leads to somewhere.

murfinnyc